Now I Know Better
Answers for Everything!
Now I Know Better--Answers For Everything
Beyond Resolutions: How to Create Deliberate Change
Another year has come and gone and many of us wonder if we are any the wiser for it. As you read this, you can probably recall years past, and the New Year’s resolutions you’ve made that did not last through the winter. You’re not alone: 37% of people will have abandoned their resolutions within eight weeks.
On average, 100 Million Americans make New Year’s resolutions each year. Unfortunately, at least 90% of them will fail before the year is out. Why such staggering odds? Millions of people fail to achieve their desired results simply because they did not have clearly defined goals, or a committed plan of action.
In fact, 70% of people have no goals in life whatsoever. And while 25% of people say they have goals, they don’t physically write them down or record them. In total, only 5% of Americans have clearly stated and recorded their goals. According to Harvard Business School, the 5% who record their goals achieve more personally and professionally than the rest of the 95% combined, and are dramatically more likely to be financially successful.
Are you ready to increase your odds of success? No matter how many diets you have quit, or self help programs you have failed to start, you can succeed. One year from today you can be in a much better place--if you choose to be. The key to making successful resolutions is to set specific goals and commit to taking daily action steps until you achieve your desired results.
There Are Only Three Reasons Why We Don’t Achieve New Year’s Resolutions:
1. CLARITY: We don’t set specific New Year’s resolutions
2. STRATEGIES: We have specific written goals, but we haven’t recorded the strategies we’ll follow to achieve these goals
3. IMPLEMENTATION: We don’t have an easy system for implementing our New Year’s resolutions and on-going monitoring
Making a resolution is easy. Keeping it takes work! It is important to remember that resolutions are a process, not a one-time effort. In order to achieve your desired results you will need to create new habits, and once this is successfully accomplished, follow up on such behaviors over time.
Our success or failure is determined one day at a time with every choice we make. Our current habits are the greatest indicator of future results, so if you want different results, you’ll have to take different actions. The best place to start making changes is in your mind. One second is all it takes to choose a new thought. A new thought leads to a new attitude, which, when programmed for success, can lead you to the fulfillment of your dreams.
No matter who you are, there is probably room for improvement in your life. Resolve to choose something better for yourself, and commit to following the steps needed to achieve these goals. Remember, that you alone can make the choice. (I hope this is the year you do!)
This year, set resolutions you will keep. The following "7 Steps to Success" will help you to set realistic goals, while empowering you to achieve them.
1) Mental Reprogramming: Our minds and the thoughts we choose are the central guiding force in our lives, drawing to us the experience that matches our thought patterns. Often, it is only our own self-defeating thoughts that stand in the way of our success. People are afraid of failing, looking stupid, or of not being enough, so they will convince themselves they cannot before even giving something a try. Sound familiar? Take a moment to explore your own thoughts and see if you are programming yourself for success or failure.
2) Positive Projections: Think it. Feel it. Be it. Let your imagination run wild and reveal to you what your life can truly be. See yourself succeeding. You can do anything! Know that you are strong, confident and courageous. Trust that you are able then choose to be willing.
3) What’s the Price? What’s the Payoff? Everything in life has a cost. In order to say “yes” to one thing we must say “no” to another. Are you spending your time well? Our time is the greatest commodity we have, and how we choose to spend it often increase or decrease our level of enjoyment and success in life. Pause now, and make an honest assessment of how you spend your time. Remember that every choice you make is an investment: if you sow seeds of success (commitment, persistence, organization) you are sure to reap the rewards.
4) Is it a Wish or a Goal? Until you set a timeframe for completion your desired outcome is merely a wish, not a goal. A goal is something that can be measured. When you commit to a goal set specific timelines and guideposts so that you can track your progress. It is also important to review your goals at least twice yearly. Time passes and people change. Are your current goals in alignment with the current you, or are you trying to fit into someone else’s life?
5) Commitment, Commitment, and More Commitment: Until you alone make the choice to commit to your resolutions and goals they will merely be wishes. The most common resolutions people make regard their health, yet 60% of Americans die from health related issues caused by their own behaviors, such as overeating, smoking and lack of exercise. Ask yourself this, “In order to say YES to my best life I will have to say NO to …?
6) Make a Map to Your Destination: If you know where you are going you will find a way to get there. Same as you would chart the route to the destination you were driving, so too must you clarify the direction you are heading in life. Remember, every journey begins with the first step. Where are you headed this year?
7) Get Moving: To strengthen your conviction, and align with your goals, it is important that you take action daily. As mentioned, a goal is measurable. Let’s say you want to write a book: by investing just 20 minutes per day, you could complete this task within the year. An equal amount of time spent exercising daily, could help you drop a couple dress sizes, while adding 10+ years to your life. Take at least one “baby step” towards your goal each day.
If you are still unsure about what type of changes you are willing to make, or possibly need, answering the following questions will help you gain clarity.
· On a scale of 1-10 how fulfilling is my life? Rate all areas: career, romance, family, health, etc.
· What change can I make, right now, that will improve my life?
· If nothing changes in my life/current situation, will I be where I want in 1, 5, 10 years?
· Do I even know where I want to be? (Explore the possibilities for your life)
· What are my values, and am I honoring them?
· What choices can I make to bring my life more meaning, joy and fulfillment?
· What do I really want and need? Ask yourself this question over and over, until you get to the truth. Our first inclination is to give a programmed response, or the answer we think people want to hear. The good news is, our purpose is custom designed to fit exactly who we are, and not necessarily who we think we should be.
Who will you choose to become this year?
Papierdoll staff writer, Krista-Lynn Landolfi, is a Professional Life Coach and Spiritual Counselor. She teaches seminars nationwide, and is available for private consultation, by phone and in-person. Inquire for details: Krista-Lynn@Krista-Lynn.com
All Rights Reserved © Copyright 2005 Krista-Lynn Landolfi
BEATING ANXIETY
QUESTION:
Do you have any tips on how to deal with anxiety? I've always been a bit jumpy, but in recent years it has morphed into an issue. I worry all the time! I worry when I am at work, I worry at school, I worry when I have to talk to someone, or if I am in a crowd. I'm always anxious because I know I am going to mess up in some way.
I feel like a real looser sometimes, like I just can't get a grip on it. I am a guy and I'm supposed to be strong. Anxiety makes me feel like a big wimp. I really need help! I am a full-time student and can't afford therapy, and I have no insurance so medication is out of the question. Can you share some advice for beating anxiety on my own.
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Though it is often said in jest, quite literally, your problems are all in your mind! Your anxiety is created by the thoughts you choose to focus on. Two thoughts cannot exist simultaneously, which means that when you are focused on thoughts like, "I'm a looser who's going to mess up" you have blocked out the thoughts that create peace of mind.
Worrying is a choice. While we may not choose the thoughts that run through our minds, we do choose what we focus on. You really can choose not to worry, you may have to make that choice one thousand times, but, with practice, you will learn a better way and find peace.
By monitoring your thoughts, and choosing to focus your attention on solutions, rather than problems, the effects of anxiety will cease to have a hold on you. Meditation with the use of positive affirmations will assist you in focusing your attention in the right direction.
The first step in calming your mind is simply to breathe. As soon as you catch yourself worrying, stop, and take several deep breaths; pull the air deep into your belly, and up into your lungs, then slowly release. Keep breathing fully and slowly, until you feel centered and calm.
Once you have centered yourself, begin to notice the thoughts going through your mind. Note how you feel when you focus upon a thought. Though we have many, there are really just two kinds of thoughts; those that feel good and those that feel bad when we focus on them.
The sensations running through your body will tell you if a thought is good or bad for you. Negative thoughts, like worry, will often make your belly tighten and constrict, they create fear and feel bad. Positive thoughts will uplift you, bringing a sense of vitality and peace. You can always change your thoughts by shifting your focus to something that feels better.
Reciting affirmations, either silently or aloud, will help you to remain focused on the positive. Create and recite affirmations that empower you, making you feel strong and brave. You've spent enough time putting yourself down, now it is time to lift yourself up. It is imperative that you start focusing on what is right about you.
Right now you are just stuck in a pattern; you've grown accustomed to suffering. Set a new intention! Decide right now that you deserve joy, peace, happiness and contentment.
When you decide that you deserve to feel good you will start to get better.
It will require some work on your part, but I promise you, you can overcome this problem. It was brave of you to reach out for support, and I encourage you to remain open to assistance. You don't have to go this alone!
Sometimes psychotherapy is the best route, and you may be wrong about not being able to afford it. Most cities have centers (State funded or non-profit) that offer low to no-cost counseling; often the cost of a session is offered on a "sliding scale" based on what you earn. Schools also offer discounted or free counseling to their students, and the same can be said about medications.
I suggest doing some research to find out about mental health programs in your area. You'll find the information a wealth of information in your local newspapers and phonebook, and on the internet. There is hope! Sometimes you just need to dig a bit to get to the solution.
Since you specifically mentioned becoming anxious when you have to speak with someone, or at work, I would say that low self esteem is causing the brunt of your problems. It sounds to me that you worry most about what people will think of you, or that you may fail, or say something silly. It's time to rewrite the story! Choose to have some faith in your abilities and your anxieties will begin to wane.
With continuous effort you can change your thoughts and anxiety will be a thing of the past. I say this with absolute confidence, since I was plagued for years with a totally debilitating anxiety/panic disorder. By changing the way I think my life has changed for the better! You too can take charge of your mind and claim the inner peace that is your right.
If your symptoms do persist, I strongly encourage you to seek professional counseling. The following links will help you to find a licensed therapist in your area:
READER RESPONSE:
I was extremely impressed by your answers, Krista-Lynn----I noticed the depth and breadth of your intelligence with your first appearance. I thought your answer to the guy who experienced constant anxiety was BRILLIANT!
E. Jean Carroll
Advice Columnist, ELLE MAGAZINE
Overcoming Fear -- AWAKEN Talk Radio
Download | Duration: 01:00:07
Join Krista-Lynn and Jenna for an enlightening discussion about how to release, and overcome fear -- once and for all! During this inspiring episode, Krista-Lynn and Jenna coach a caller from San Diego through a deep fear. Caller from NJ shares about overcoming writer's block.
FAITH: The Power of Belief -- AWAKEN Talk Radio
Download | Duration: 01:00:21
Humans say, "I'll believe it when I see it." Angels say, "You will see it when you believe it . . . " Krista-Lynn and Jenna discuss the power of faith, and how to have it even when you don't see proof. Discussion explores accessing The Law of Attraction.
AWAKEN Talk Radio
Listen LIVE Thursdays at 10:30am pst.
Call in and be a part of the conversation:347.945.6373
THE POWER OF WORDS
QUESTION:
There's a common theme in my life right now: everyone says that I am a jerk! My friends and family are all saying I am rude, insensitive, and sometimes mean. The problem is that I always say whatever's on my mind and because of this I'm constantly apologizing because I've offended someone.
Honestly, I am a kind and caring person, I just say the wrong things sometimes. How can I stop hurting people with my words? Give me some tips quickly, because I am really tired of hurting people. I truly don't mean to!!!
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
It's just not cool to blurt out every thought that runs through your mind. You must learn to keep your opinions to yourself, because as you've seen, words can hurt.
From now on, pause, and take three deep breaths before you say ANYTHING. Take a moment to tune in within, asking yourself if what you are about to say is uplifting and kind, or biting and rude.
If someone comes to you with a problem imagine yourself in their shoes, and give the advice you feel would help you in that situation. Only speak your mind when what you have to say is actually helpful, and when you do speak, watch your tone.
You have expressed a genuine desire to improve, anon, and that tells me that you really are a kind and compassionate person, you're just sometimes not very thoughtful . . . Think before you speak and your problem will be solved.
There's a common theme in my life right now: everyone says that I am a jerk! My friends and family are all saying I am rude, insensitive, and sometimes mean. The problem is that I always say whatever's on my mind and because of this I'm constantly apologizing because I've offended someone.
Honestly, I am a kind and caring person, I just say the wrong things sometimes. How can I stop hurting people with my words? Give me some tips quickly, because I am really tired of hurting people. I truly don't mean to!!!
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
It's just not cool to blurt out every thought that runs through your mind. You must learn to keep your opinions to yourself, because as you've seen, words can hurt.
From now on, pause, and take three deep breaths before you say ANYTHING. Take a moment to tune in within, asking yourself if what you are about to say is uplifting and kind, or biting and rude.
If someone comes to you with a problem imagine yourself in their shoes, and give the advice you feel would help you in that situation. Only speak your mind when what you have to say is actually helpful, and when you do speak, watch your tone.
You have expressed a genuine desire to improve, anon, and that tells me that you really are a kind and compassionate person, you're just sometimes not very thoughtful . . . Think before you speak and your problem will be solved.
FROM SHY TO SOULFUL
QUESTION:
This weekend I was at a party and not one person spoke to me. Help!! It is really difficult for me to make new friends. My close friends, who've known me since childhood, say it's because I put off a vibe that I am better than people, or indifferent. The truth is that I am really shy and I get nervous around people. How can I come off as more likeable and welcoming? I'd like to attract people rather than repel them.
KRISTA-LYNN'S:
Shine from within and you will exude a warmth that welcomes people. Imagine that there is a light switch inside of you that you can turn on full blast when you want to be seen. Shine this light through your eyes, adding a smile and a positive attitude, and people will naturally be drawn to the sparkle of your soul.
Next time you're at a party go out of your way to reach out your hand and introduce yourself to others. Many people feel the same sense of shyness that you do, be bold and say hello first, they will really appreciate you breaking the ice and making the first move.
This weekend I was at a party and not one person spoke to me. Help!! It is really difficult for me to make new friends. My close friends, who've known me since childhood, say it's because I put off a vibe that I am better than people, or indifferent. The truth is that I am really shy and I get nervous around people. How can I come off as more likeable and welcoming? I'd like to attract people rather than repel them.
KRISTA-LYNN'S:
Shine from within and you will exude a warmth that welcomes people. Imagine that there is a light switch inside of you that you can turn on full blast when you want to be seen. Shine this light through your eyes, adding a smile and a positive attitude, and people will naturally be drawn to the sparkle of your soul.
Next time you're at a party go out of your way to reach out your hand and introduce yourself to others. Many people feel the same sense of shyness that you do, be bold and say hello first, they will really appreciate you breaking the ice and making the first move.
OPRAH, I AM READY FOR MY DEBUT!
QUESTION:
What would YOU do to be on The Oprah Winfrey Show?
(photo courtesy of www.teachmeteamwork.com)
Working with Oprah has been a goal/intention of mine for years.
If you're listening O, here's my dream:
1) To write a spiritually based monthly column for O Magazine
2) To be one of the hosts on the Oprah & Friends radio station
3) To be the resident "Soul Coach" like Gary Zukav, back in the day.
Help make my dream come true!
If you love my advice and inspiration, let Oprah know: EMAIL OPRAH
Oprah, give me a call!
What would YOU do to be on The Oprah Winfrey Show?
(photo courtesy of www.teachmeteamwork.com)
Working with Oprah has been a goal/intention of mine for years.
If you're listening O, here's my dream:
1) To write a spiritually based monthly column for O Magazine
2) To be one of the hosts on the Oprah & Friends radio station
3) To be the resident "Soul Coach" like Gary Zukav, back in the day.
Help make my dream come true!
If you love my advice and inspiration, let Oprah know: EMAIL OPRAH
Oprah, give me a call!
THE LAW OF ATTRACTION
QUESTION:
I keep hearing about, "The Secret", by Rhonda Byrne, can you tell me what it is?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
"THE SECRET"
I keep hearing about, "The Secret", by Rhonda Byrne, can you tell me what it is?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
"THE SECRET"
ALL ABOUT EVERYONE BUT ME!
QUESTION:
My problem is that I never have enough time in my day because I can't say no to people. It seems like all of my time is spent attending to other peoples needs and wants, and at the end of the day all I want is for someone to take care of me! Actually, I don't even know what I want anymore. HELP! What can I do to take charge of my life and stop being used (that is how I feel).
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Maybe your problem, is really a problem? What you've described sounds like codependence.
PATTERNS & CHARACTERISTICS OF CODEPENDENCE:
These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers.
DENIAL PATTERNS:
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.
LOW SELF ESTEEM PATTERNS:
I have difficulty making decisions.
I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."
I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.
COMPLIANCE PATTERNS:
I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
I accept sex when I want love.
CONTROL PATTERNS:
I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.
If you can relate, know that there is help, if you want it!
CO-DEPENDENTS ANONYMOUS
Co-Dependents Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships. The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and loving relationships. We gather together to support and share with each other in a journey of self-discovery -- learning to love the self.
Living the program allows each of us to become increasingly honest with ourselves about our personal histories and our own codependent behaviors.
We rely upon the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions for knowledge and wisdom. These are the principles of our program and guides to developing honest and fulfilling relationships with ourselves and others.
In CoDA, we each learn to build a bridge to a Higher Power of our own understanding, and we allow others the same privilege.
This renewal process is a gift of healing for us. By actively working the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous, we can each realize a new joy, acceptance and serenity in our lives.
(Reprinted from the website www.CoDA.org with permission of Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. (CoDA, Inc).)
If you identify with the above descriptions get the help you deserve!
CO-DEPENDENTS ANONYMOUS
My problem is that I never have enough time in my day because I can't say no to people. It seems like all of my time is spent attending to other peoples needs and wants, and at the end of the day all I want is for someone to take care of me! Actually, I don't even know what I want anymore. HELP! What can I do to take charge of my life and stop being used (that is how I feel).
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Maybe your problem, is really a problem? What you've described sounds like codependence.
PATTERNS & CHARACTERISTICS OF CODEPENDENCE:
These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers.
DENIAL PATTERNS:
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.
LOW SELF ESTEEM PATTERNS:
I have difficulty making decisions.
I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."
I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.
COMPLIANCE PATTERNS:
I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
I accept sex when I want love.
CONTROL PATTERNS:
I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.
If you can relate, know that there is help, if you want it!
CO-DEPENDENTS ANONYMOUS
Co-Dependents Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships. The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and loving relationships. We gather together to support and share with each other in a journey of self-discovery -- learning to love the self.
Living the program allows each of us to become increasingly honest with ourselves about our personal histories and our own codependent behaviors.
We rely upon the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions for knowledge and wisdom. These are the principles of our program and guides to developing honest and fulfilling relationships with ourselves and others.
In CoDA, we each learn to build a bridge to a Higher Power of our own understanding, and we allow others the same privilege.
This renewal process is a gift of healing for us. By actively working the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous, we can each realize a new joy, acceptance and serenity in our lives.
(Reprinted from the website www.CoDA.org with permission of Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. (CoDA, Inc).)
If you identify with the above descriptions get the help you deserve!
CO-DEPENDENTS ANONYMOUS
BRIDES FROM HELL?
QUESTION:
Vera Wang's most recent show was morbid.
www.verawang.com (Couldn't post pics, it wouldn't let me copy them)
What is going on with Vera Wang??? Once upon a time she was the most sought after bridal dress designer, and I can not imagine that anyone would wear these. Her newest looks would only be suitable for a wedding in a cemetary. What happened to the beautiful bride we all expect?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Vera Wang's most recent show was morbid.
www.verawang.com (Couldn't post pics, it wouldn't let me copy them)
What is going on with Vera Wang??? Once upon a time she was the most sought after bridal dress designer, and I can not imagine that anyone would wear these. Her newest looks would only be suitable for a wedding in a cemetary. What happened to the beautiful bride we all expect?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Perhaps Vera is going through a dark phase? She may be depressed. Or maybe she has just faced the reality of the divorce rate in our country (Upwards of 67%) and she's honestly portraying a wedding as "The beginning of the end ...", instead of the "Happily Ever After" everyone pretends it will be.
READER RESPONSE:
True! I watched Vera Wang on Oprah, and she was very open about being depressive for most of her life, and said that she's been on meds for some time now. I watched that show about a year ago. Maybe she stopped taking her happiness meds and just went with how she's REALLY feeling on the inside?
READER RESPONSE:
True! I watched Vera Wang on Oprah, and she was very open about being depressive for most of her life, and said that she's been on meds for some time now. I watched that show about a year ago. Maybe she stopped taking her happiness meds and just went with how she's REALLY feeling on the inside?
MODERN DAY BOBS
QUESTION:
What do you think of the new bob cuts? Any favorite looks?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
The bob cut is ALWAYS in fashion, it just gets tweaked from season to season. I love the newest versions.
Two of my favs:
(Image courtesy of www.metro.co.uk)
WHEN SEX HURTS
QUESTION:
I've been having sex with the same guy -- my one and only -- for about three years now, and everything was always great until a couple months ago. We were having some rough sex and suddenly I felt an incredibly sharp pain inside, as if something tore. The pain was horrible!!! And lasted through the night and for several days after. Eventually, it went away, but ever since I sometimes feel very, very sore: like I am really bruised inside.
I had blown it off, because it usually goes away within the day and there is never any blood, but last night I swear it felt like something broke inside of me. I saw stars! I called my doctor today and he can not see me for 6 weeks, is it cool if I just let this slide? I really don't feel like finding another doctor and it is probably just nothing......
I need to know if I there is need for concern, or if this is maybe just a bad bruise that I keep irratating (we do have sex almost daily).
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Time to visit your gynecologist, anon. NOW. No time to wait on this, anon, find another doctor. You must get checked out: an internal exam AND an ultrasound. I've been through what you described, and for me, it was ovarian cysts. Just to be safe, have a thorough check up. An internal bruise would not last for months, something is going on and you need to be seen by a doctor. Don't mess with your baby biz!
I've been having sex with the same guy -- my one and only -- for about three years now, and everything was always great until a couple months ago. We were having some rough sex and suddenly I felt an incredibly sharp pain inside, as if something tore. The pain was horrible!!! And lasted through the night and for several days after. Eventually, it went away, but ever since I sometimes feel very, very sore: like I am really bruised inside.
I had blown it off, because it usually goes away within the day and there is never any blood, but last night I swear it felt like something broke inside of me. I saw stars! I called my doctor today and he can not see me for 6 weeks, is it cool if I just let this slide? I really don't feel like finding another doctor and it is probably just nothing......
I need to know if I there is need for concern, or if this is maybe just a bad bruise that I keep irratating (we do have sex almost daily).
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Time to visit your gynecologist, anon. NOW. No time to wait on this, anon, find another doctor. You must get checked out: an internal exam AND an ultrasound. I've been through what you described, and for me, it was ovarian cysts. Just to be safe, have a thorough check up. An internal bruise would not last for months, something is going on and you need to be seen by a doctor. Don't mess with your baby biz!
THE GREAT JEAN DEBATE
QUESTION:
Which type of jeans are the hottest, skinnies or flared?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Which type of jeans are the hottest, skinnies or flared?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
It all depends on your style. Skinny jeans are a very particular look, one that I think is hard to pull off. They look the hottest with a pair of boots worn over them. Wearing a high heel works as well; but could come off looking a bit slutty.
NOTE: If your legs are not long the skinnies could make them look stumpy.
(Photo courtesy of www.Catwalkqueen.tv)
A wider leg, flared jean will appear to elongate the leg, if they fit well. Don't go too tight, or too long. Wear with a heel and let the hemline fall mid-heel. Depending on the size of the heel, you'll look to gain 3-6 inches worth of leg.
(Photo courtesy of Bloomingdales.com)
SHOP BLOOMINGDALES
COMPARE JEANS
THE SKINNY ON SKINNY JEANS
JEANS WITH BOOTS
NOTE: If your legs are not long the skinnies could make them look stumpy.
(Photo courtesy of www.Catwalkqueen.tv)
A wider leg, flared jean will appear to elongate the leg, if they fit well. Don't go too tight, or too long. Wear with a heel and let the hemline fall mid-heel. Depending on the size of the heel, you'll look to gain 3-6 inches worth of leg.
(Photo courtesy of Bloomingdales.com)
SHOP BLOOMINGDALES
COMPARE JEANS
THE SKINNY ON SKINNY JEANS
JEANS WITH BOOTS
STYLE 911
QUESTION:
I know nothing about fashion! Seriously, my style is to throw on whatever is most comfortable, whether it fits or not, even if it does not match. I just don't care.... but I really kind of do. I am sick of looking like a bag lady. It's just that here in America (I am from Chile) style seems to mean, "Looking like everyone else", and I know that I have a really cool and unique personality! I think I resist fashion because I like to stand out for my personality, but, you know you look bad when your own mama keeps asking to take you shopping.
I don't know where to start or how to create a look that will allow me to remain unique, without having tons of mismatched pieces that look similar to bad modern art: my sister said that about me! I just don't think I have a fashion gene. HELP!!! I want to look better, I am turning 21 and it is time for a change. It is beginning to depress me that I look so bad.
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
READER RESPONSE:
I know nothing about fashion! Seriously, my style is to throw on whatever is most comfortable, whether it fits or not, even if it does not match. I just don't care.... but I really kind of do. I am sick of looking like a bag lady. It's just that here in America (I am from Chile) style seems to mean, "Looking like everyone else", and I know that I have a really cool and unique personality! I think I resist fashion because I like to stand out for my personality, but, you know you look bad when your own mama keeps asking to take you shopping.
I don't know where to start or how to create a look that will allow me to remain unique, without having tons of mismatched pieces that look similar to bad modern art: my sister said that about me! I just don't think I have a fashion gene. HELP!!! I want to look better, I am turning 21 and it is time for a change. It is beginning to depress me that I look so bad.
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Consult with a stylist or personal shopper. Many larger department stores have a personal shopper who can help you to find pieces that will work for your body type, and personal style. It's always good to work with a pro if you can. But, one way or another, you need the input of another's perspective, to help you to expand your own.
Pull together a group of gals --or gays -- whose personal style you admire, and opinion you trust, and take them out shopping with you. Let other people point out your best features, and pick out what they think will look good on you. The key is to keep trying on clothes until it clicks.
You're in a great place right now -- like a blank slate -- you can totally create a new look for yourself based on what you want to say to the world. Whether we like it or not, people do judge a book by the cover, and they will make assumptions about you based on your appearance.
What does your current look say about you?
Explore how changing your style can literally change your life . . . or at least your mood.
Dark Days? Just Add Color
It has been proven that when we look good, we often feel better. That's because it is a lot easier to believe you are fabulous, when you look fabulous. If you want to start exploring new options for your life, why not start with your wardrobe? Experimenting with color and style is a safe way to try on a new you and gain new perspective for your life.
RED lifts the spirits by stimulating passion and enthusiasm; it is a powerful color that is best used as an accent. When you wish to make a bold statement, red will help you to captivate your audience and claim attention.
ORANGE increases vitality while expressing uniqueness and creativity. When you wish to express your individuality, orange is a dynamic choice.
YELLOW has a centering affect; it reconnects us with our personal power and sense of self worth. Infuse your wardrobe with a bit of yellow when you need to make an important speech; it portrays confidence and encourages trust.
GREEN has an incredibly energizing effect on the body, this color will help you to relax and feel comfortable in any situation. Green is the color of life and love. Next time you are outside amidst the grass and trees, stop to enjoy the view, while taking three deep, slow breaths-you will feel instantly refreshed.
BLUE emits a peaceful, yet strong vibration and aids us in clear communication. Just as the sky and sea are in constant movement, the energy of blue shades will help us move forward into the flow of life; wear during phases of expansion and growth.
VIOLET is the color of royalty and offers protection from lower level energies; it is often called the color of mystics. Add purple to your wardrobe when you wish to connect with your spiritual side.
WHITE connects us with the Divine; it reflects a positive nature and exudes a sense of purity and innocence. Wearing white is great when you are making a fresh start; it reflects the energy of a clean slate and opens one to the realm of possibilities.
PINK is great when you want to feel like a girl again; this ultra-feminine color exudes a calming sense of unconditional love. Pink is uplifting and energizing; if you find red to be too intense, pink is a great alternative. Red stimulates physical attraction, while pink stimulates a love match.
Papier Doll Magazine---All Rights Reserved © Copyright 2005 Krista-Lynn Landolfi
READ MORE
Pull together a group of gals --or gays -- whose personal style you admire, and opinion you trust, and take them out shopping with you. Let other people point out your best features, and pick out what they think will look good on you. The key is to keep trying on clothes until it clicks.
You're in a great place right now -- like a blank slate -- you can totally create a new look for yourself based on what you want to say to the world. Whether we like it or not, people do judge a book by the cover, and they will make assumptions about you based on your appearance.
What does your current look say about you?
Explore how changing your style can literally change your life . . . or at least your mood.
Dark Days? Just Add Color
It has been proven that when we look good, we often feel better. That's because it is a lot easier to believe you are fabulous, when you look fabulous. If you want to start exploring new options for your life, why not start with your wardrobe? Experimenting with color and style is a safe way to try on a new you and gain new perspective for your life.
RED lifts the spirits by stimulating passion and enthusiasm; it is a powerful color that is best used as an accent. When you wish to make a bold statement, red will help you to captivate your audience and claim attention.
ORANGE increases vitality while expressing uniqueness and creativity. When you wish to express your individuality, orange is a dynamic choice.
YELLOW has a centering affect; it reconnects us with our personal power and sense of self worth. Infuse your wardrobe with a bit of yellow when you need to make an important speech; it portrays confidence and encourages trust.
GREEN has an incredibly energizing effect on the body, this color will help you to relax and feel comfortable in any situation. Green is the color of life and love. Next time you are outside amidst the grass and trees, stop to enjoy the view, while taking three deep, slow breaths-you will feel instantly refreshed.
BLUE emits a peaceful, yet strong vibration and aids us in clear communication. Just as the sky and sea are in constant movement, the energy of blue shades will help us move forward into the flow of life; wear during phases of expansion and growth.
VIOLET is the color of royalty and offers protection from lower level energies; it is often called the color of mystics. Add purple to your wardrobe when you wish to connect with your spiritual side.
WHITE connects us with the Divine; it reflects a positive nature and exudes a sense of purity and innocence. Wearing white is great when you are making a fresh start; it reflects the energy of a clean slate and opens one to the realm of possibilities.
PINK is great when you want to feel like a girl again; this ultra-feminine color exudes a calming sense of unconditional love. Pink is uplifting and energizing; if you find red to be too intense, pink is a great alternative. Red stimulates physical attraction, while pink stimulates a love match.
Papier Doll Magazine---All Rights Reserved © Copyright 2005 Krista-Lynn Landolfi
READ MORE
READER RESPONSE:
what does my style says about me right now?
boring to the very bone that´s what it says
LOVE the article! I wear orange all the time... does that mean that I'm a zany type? I also hate pink. I'm wondering if it is because I am sorta tough, and not into being mushy and stuff. i may try wearing it after reading what you wrote. Thanks KL!
boring to the very bone that´s what it says
LOVE the article! I wear orange all the time... does that mean that I'm a zany type? I also hate pink. I'm wondering if it is because I am sorta tough, and not into being mushy and stuff. i may try wearing it after reading what you wrote. Thanks KL!
LEARNING TO DRIVE
QUESTION:
I am such an idiot!!! Twenty one years old, third try, and I failed my driving test, AGAIN! I am so humiliated.
I've been waiting for years to get a license and I just can't seem to figure out how to drive. What do I do??? This is getting ridiculous and everyone is making fun of me. Each time I get more and more nervous so I am thinking at this point I will never get a license.
HELP!!!
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
You are not an idiot -- you just don't know how to drive! Easy solution: Go to driving school.
A professional instructor will teach you the rules of the road, and help you to gain confidence as a driver.
NY Driver Education
Learn to Drive NY
I am such an idiot!!! Twenty one years old, third try, and I failed my driving test, AGAIN! I am so humiliated.
I've been waiting for years to get a license and I just can't seem to figure out how to drive. What do I do??? This is getting ridiculous and everyone is making fun of me. Each time I get more and more nervous so I am thinking at this point I will never get a license.
HELP!!!
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
You are not an idiot -- you just don't know how to drive! Easy solution: Go to driving school.
A professional instructor will teach you the rules of the road, and help you to gain confidence as a driver.
NY Driver Education
Learn to Drive NY
BEFRIENDING THE BOYFRIEND'S EX
QUESTION:
I've been with my boyfriend for two years and I know all of his friends, except for his ex, who is still talks to and sees frequently. I don't think he is cheating on me with her, but, I do wonder why he refuses to introduce me (I have asked). He just says that it is inappropriate, and nothing to worry about.
I do worry though! She calls morning, noon, and night, and is always asking him for favors, which he does. In my opinion her and I must meet. I don't want to be her best friend, but I think I should hang with her like any of his other friends.
What really worries me is that I think she is still in love with him and is trying to get him back. I just want to see the two of them together to see how they interact. Before I approach my boyfriend and tell him I insist on meeting her, I thought maybe I should get some advice; what do you think?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
I've been with my boyfriend for two years and I know all of his friends, except for his ex, who is still talks to and sees frequently. I don't think he is cheating on me with her, but, I do wonder why he refuses to introduce me (I have asked). He just says that it is inappropriate, and nothing to worry about.
I do worry though! She calls morning, noon, and night, and is always asking him for favors, which he does. In my opinion her and I must meet. I don't want to be her best friend, but I think I should hang with her like any of his other friends.
What really worries me is that I think she is still in love with him and is trying to get him back. I just want to see the two of them together to see how they interact. Before I approach my boyfriend and tell him I insist on meeting her, I thought maybe I should get some advice; what do you think?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
You and your boyfriend's ex hanging out is a disaster waiting to happen! You want to meet in person to size her up, gauge your boyfriend's feelings for her, and compare.
You will find millions of ways to compare yourself, and, your relationship, and you and your boyfriend will wind up in a fight. Guaranteed!
Leave it alone. Meeting her will in no way help you.
If you do trust him, trust that it's just friendship. If there is a little voice telling you there is something more going on, trust that . . . Our intuition is usually right.
You will find millions of ways to compare yourself, and, your relationship, and you and your boyfriend will wind up in a fight. Guaranteed!
Leave it alone. Meeting her will in no way help you.
If you do trust him, trust that it's just friendship. If there is a little voice telling you there is something more going on, trust that . . . Our intuition is usually right.
READ THIS BOOK
QUESTION:
What book is on your MUST read list?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
EAT. PRAY. LOVE. is the soulful story of one woman's journey to find out who she really is, and what she really wants and needs from life. If you are still searching (and who isn't?) this is a MUST READ!
What book is on your MUST read list?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
EAT. PRAY. LOVE. is the soulful story of one woman's journey to find out who she really is, and what she really wants and needs from life. If you are still searching (and who isn't?) this is a MUST READ!
BEAUTY CAN'T BUY YOU LOVE
The only way to feel truly beautiful is to look within before looking in the mirror
"She is beautiful..." The boy I love just told me that he loves another. His reason is that she is something I am not. Beautiful. I am smart and witty, silly and fun, but I am not particularly beautiful. Melissa was a beauty: long curls flowing past her shoulders, big blue eyes with fluttering lashes. I looked plain: a bowl-cut on my head that was somehow always crooked, freckles plastering my face, and orthopedic shoes to cap off the look.
It was the 70's and I was just a child, but I was in love and he did not want me. 1st grade was a big year for me, in which I learned some of the toughest lessons of my life. The first being that physical beauty matters; the second, that I did not have it.
I was beautiful on the inside. I am a bright light and this was always evident. I knew that my soul was beautiful; my mistake was thinking this was enough. By the 5th grade I'd accepted that I would never win any beauty contests, and made peace with my place in life.
Boys loved me, just not in the way they did the beautiful girls. They loved me for me -- definitely not for my looks. The boys would spend hours with me, laughing and playing, but they never looked at me the way they did the pretty girls. I understood early on that I'd need to rely on my wits if I were to be appealing to the opposite sex.
Luckily, what I lacked in looks I made up for in personality. My humor and zest for life drew people to me, and eventually, in my teens, the boys came calling too. I'd resigned myself to being the ugly girl so I was shocked. I found myself in no way desirable to a boy and this sudden turn of the tides confused me.
This was to be the start of a long and bumpy journey.
Freckles faded, the nineties brought with it better hairstyles, and the eyes that were somehow daunting as a child suddenly fit my face. I grew into myself, transforming from an ugly duckling to swan. People's perceptions of me changed, but my own did not. To me I was flawed, imperfect, and even ghastly at times. I knew my insides were beautiful, but on the outside I felt gross.
The more I worried about my appearance, the less like me I felt.
I hated myself with venom -- at least on the outside. My inability to honestly assess myself and find the positives was clinical: I was diagnosed with a severe case of Dysmorphic Disorder. I was obsessed with my flaws, both real and imagined. No one could convince me I was attractive, or worthy.
I got paid to model, but this only made me feel worse. With my flower in full bloom I focused on my thorns. No matter how good my own was I only saw that others had something better; better hair, skin, eyes, teeth, legs, lips, and so on.
When the focus was on my outward appearance I was never enough.
Though I loathed my body I loved the fact that men desired it. While I had no connection to my body, I began using it to get what I want. I wanted love. I got sex. In my mind this was close enough to the real thing so I settled. My standards were so low that I settled for crumbs. The love that existed was only for parts of me, never the whole.
My twenties were filled with the adoration of men, yet few saw through my façade, nor knew the real me. I became the sum total of my parts; I was now a pretty face, and a hot bod. I got lots of attention, but very little fulfillment. The more I searched for myself in a man the greater was my loss. My self loathing combined with pathetically low self esteem made me like a puppy; I begged for love. I was happy for any attention back then.
Today, at thirty-five, I am single by choice, and having the greatest love affair of my life. A few years back I decided to fall in love with me. "You must love yourself first before another can love you" I now understand what it means. Today it does not matter what I look like, or what any guy thinks about it, because I know I am so much more than a body and its parts.
Once again, I am living from my soul, I shine from within and this makes me beautiful. I can laugh, and dance, and play. Freedom is beautiful
All Rights Reserved © Copyright 2005 Krista-
DARE TO WIN!
This one says it all for me.
"Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win."
Bernadette Devlin
"Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win."
Bernadette Devlin
WHAT TO WRITE? WHAT TO WRITE?
QUESTIONS:
I want to write, I have the time to write, I think I can write: but I don't know where to start! I am totally blocked right now and it is really frustrating me. A million ideas are running through my head yet I feel like I can't put two sentences together.
Where do I begin? Any tips??? There is something in me that wants to be said but I am just having a difficult time expressing myself. I am in desperate need of inspiration! Please help me to move through this quicksand that has me feeling totally stuck.
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
I want to write, I have the time to write, I think I can write: but I don't know where to start! I am totally blocked right now and it is really frustrating me. A million ideas are running through my head yet I feel like I can't put two sentences together.
Where do I begin? Any tips??? There is something in me that wants to be said but I am just having a difficult time expressing myself. I am in desperate need of inspiration! Please help me to move through this quicksand that has me feeling totally stuck.
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
I've got an assignment for you. If you follow this process you will complete whatever it is you want to write -- blog, article, essay, poem -- with relative ease, and, you could actually enjoy yourself. When you take the pressure off yourself writing can be an exhilarating journey, and incredibly fun.
Your Mission (Should you choose to accept ...)
First, you're going to find the right topic to write about. An "Inspiration Brainstorm" will uncover the story within you that wants to be told.
Close your eyes, take several deep, relaxing breaths, and let the ideas fly. Engage your imagination, and all of your senses, and let your story unfold before your eyes.
When your passion is really flowing for a specific idea, start writing down key words associated with it. Let phrases and sentences start to flow through you.
Become totally immersed in your topic, and let IT, move you. Keep writing until you feel complete.
What you've written will be your framework for the piece. Read it over with the intention of editing, then add to, and take out as needed.
Presto! You've got your first draft.
Now, go back to your piece and stay with it until you feel you've fully expressed your idea. To keep your flow going ask yourself if there is anything else you want/need to add to your piece, anything else that needs to be said about this specific topic.
Put it all in there.
Re-read your piece one final time, and see if there is anything you can take OUT. Are you being redundant? Using too many words to get to the point?
Cut out anything that is not absolutely needed, and you're done!
See? Writing is easy.
"Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart..."
William Wordsworth
If you're ever totally stuck for an idea look up quotes, they are great for getting the juices flowing. Take one that moves you and build a story around it.
FIND QUOTES
Writing is really just another form of talking. You're just speaking your mind, sharing insights and thoughts, conveying information -- it's not hard.
When you're writing, imagine you are sitting down for some quality time with your readers. Tune in and connect with them.
What do THEY want to know?
What do YOU have to say?
Let your writing be a conversation. Don't pressure yourself to write at length -- just say something!
Your Mission (Should you choose to accept ...)
First, you're going to find the right topic to write about. An "Inspiration Brainstorm" will uncover the story within you that wants to be told.
Close your eyes, take several deep, relaxing breaths, and let the ideas fly. Engage your imagination, and all of your senses, and let your story unfold before your eyes.
When your passion is really flowing for a specific idea, start writing down key words associated with it. Let phrases and sentences start to flow through you.
Become totally immersed in your topic, and let IT, move you. Keep writing until you feel complete.
What you've written will be your framework for the piece. Read it over with the intention of editing, then add to, and take out as needed.
Presto! You've got your first draft.
Now, go back to your piece and stay with it until you feel you've fully expressed your idea. To keep your flow going ask yourself if there is anything else you want/need to add to your piece, anything else that needs to be said about this specific topic.
Put it all in there.
Re-read your piece one final time, and see if there is anything you can take OUT. Are you being redundant? Using too many words to get to the point?
Cut out anything that is not absolutely needed, and you're done!
See? Writing is easy.
"Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart..."
William Wordsworth
If you're ever totally stuck for an idea look up quotes, they are great for getting the juices flowing. Take one that moves you and build a story around it.
FIND QUOTES
Writing is really just another form of talking. You're just speaking your mind, sharing insights and thoughts, conveying information -- it's not hard.
When you're writing, imagine you are sitting down for some quality time with your readers. Tune in and connect with them.
What do THEY want to know?
What do YOU have to say?
Let your writing be a conversation. Don't pressure yourself to write at length -- just say something!
PROJECT HAPPY
QUESTION:
I'm in a funk.
I've been feeling miserable for a while and I am totally sick of myself. My job is unfufilling and I feel I'm going nowhere. My friends annoy me, my wardrobe is a bore. I have no man, and no prospects on the horizon. I'm just totally feeling sorry for myself right now.
Help me get out my funk. What can I do to get my life back on track? I am not sure where to start or how to do it. I just don't feel satisfied right now and all I want to do is pull the covers over my head and cry! I know that life can be a roller coaster, but I am not digging this down phase.
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
I'm in a funk.
I've been feeling miserable for a while and I am totally sick of myself. My job is unfufilling and I feel I'm going nowhere. My friends annoy me, my wardrobe is a bore. I have no man, and no prospects on the horizon. I'm just totally feeling sorry for myself right now.
Help me get out my funk. What can I do to get my life back on track? I am not sure where to start or how to do it. I just don't feel satisfied right now and all I want to do is pull the covers over my head and cry! I know that life can be a roller coaster, but I am not digging this down phase.
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
You'll move through your funk quickly if you get into action. Right now you are just stuck. You've got to get up and start moving forward.
You are feeling sluggish because you're focused on all that you perceive to be bad in your life. Redirect your thoughts and place your attention on what you want -- and what you can do about it.
CHANGE YOUR MIND--CHANGE YOUR LIFE
Tap into the infinite power within you and you'll find that you really can be or do anything you set your mind to. Decide to be happy. Take back your power and chart course for your life.
SELF-COACHING
What do I want most right now?
What do I REALLY need?
What will fill my heart with joy???
What is holding me back?
What am I willing to do to improve my life?
Name 5 things you can do right now that will bring more joy into your life:
NOTE: If you try your best to "Get up & Go" and still can't move forward, I'd strongly suggest consulting with a psychiatrist; you may have a clinical depression. When you really don't know what you need therapy is the smartest choice.
FIND A THERAPIST
FIND COUNSELING
You are feeling sluggish because you're focused on all that you perceive to be bad in your life. Redirect your thoughts and place your attention on what you want -- and what you can do about it.
CHANGE YOUR MIND--CHANGE YOUR LIFE
Tap into the infinite power within you and you'll find that you really can be or do anything you set your mind to. Decide to be happy. Take back your power and chart course for your life.
SELF-COACHING
What do I want most right now?
What do I REALLY need?
What will fill my heart with joy???
What is holding me back?
What am I willing to do to improve my life?
Name 5 things you can do right now that will bring more joy into your life:
NOTE: If you try your best to "Get up & Go" and still can't move forward, I'd strongly suggest consulting with a psychiatrist; you may have a clinical depression. When you really don't know what you need therapy is the smartest choice.
FIND A THERAPIST
FIND COUNSELING
ABOUT FACE
QUESTION:
Ew. I think I might just have the worst skin in the world. My acne OWNS my face. I've had a dermatologist since I was 12, she has tried just about everything on me, and nothing has worked. As of right now, I am on an antibiotic called Solodyn which helps a tiny bit with it but I'm not satisfied at all. I don't know if any of you have heard of Accutane but its my next and final option. It would require me to be on birth control for 8 months total (1 month before, 6 months during, and 1 month after I stop taking the new pill).
My problem is, the last time I was on BC, I gained almost half a pound a week. I do NOT want this to happen again and it makes me rather want acne than to be overweight. I always exercise for an hour everyday and eat pretty well, but everything I consume while on BC seems to STICK to me (my thighs mostly).
SO, finally, should I look forward to being chubby with a clear complexion or skinny with a mine-field on my face?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Louise Hay, a metaphysical guru, wrote a great book called, "You Can Heal Your Life", I suggest you read it.
Her theory - one that's supported by many experts and authorities - is that every condition or illness is really created by negative thoughts, feelings and emotions, which create energy blocks in the system (Body).
Acne is said to be created by deep self loathing and hate.
Do you frequently criticize yourself?
Do you put yourself down, believing you're not good enough?
Do you punish yourself if you feel you've messed up?
Your skin is simply reflecting "The war within you".
Be nice to yourself and the eruptions will stop.
Focus on your strengths, assets, and many, many gifts - not on your perceived flaws. Be gentle, kind, and loving towards yourself. Affirm your beauty as frequently as you can, and appreciate every inch of your healthy, whole body.
Love your body and your body will love you!
Ew. I think I might just have the worst skin in the world. My acne OWNS my face. I've had a dermatologist since I was 12, she has tried just about everything on me, and nothing has worked. As of right now, I am on an antibiotic called Solodyn which helps a tiny bit with it but I'm not satisfied at all. I don't know if any of you have heard of Accutane but its my next and final option. It would require me to be on birth control for 8 months total (1 month before, 6 months during, and 1 month after I stop taking the new pill).
My problem is, the last time I was on BC, I gained almost half a pound a week. I do NOT want this to happen again and it makes me rather want acne than to be overweight. I always exercise for an hour everyday and eat pretty well, but everything I consume while on BC seems to STICK to me (my thighs mostly).
SO, finally, should I look forward to being chubby with a clear complexion or skinny with a mine-field on my face?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Louise Hay, a metaphysical guru, wrote a great book called, "You Can Heal Your Life", I suggest you read it.
Her theory - one that's supported by many experts and authorities - is that every condition or illness is really created by negative thoughts, feelings and emotions, which create energy blocks in the system (Body).
Acne is said to be created by deep self loathing and hate.
Do you frequently criticize yourself?
Do you put yourself down, believing you're not good enough?
Do you punish yourself if you feel you've messed up?
Your skin is simply reflecting "The war within you".
Be nice to yourself and the eruptions will stop.
Focus on your strengths, assets, and many, many gifts - not on your perceived flaws. Be gentle, kind, and loving towards yourself. Affirm your beauty as frequently as you can, and appreciate every inch of your healthy, whole body.
Love your body and your body will love you!
HOW TO BECOME A PRO WRITER
QUESTION:
How do you become a professional writer? What are the first steps?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
How do you become a professional writer? What are the first steps?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Step # 1: WRITE
Step # 2: WRITE
Step # 3: WRITE!
A writer writes.
Keep a journal, start a blog, write essays, articles, and anything else that moves you! Then let people read them. Ultimately, a writer's work must be read, when you are comfortable with this you're probably ready to "Go Pro".
If you are prepared to take on an assignment now, start perusing the want ads. There are a lot of lesser known magazines that work strictly with freelancers, and companies always need content for newsletters and websites.
Media Bistro has a great job section filled with a plethora of paid writing positions. They also host classes which you may find helpful; How to be a freelancer writer, How to publish a book, How to write for magazines.
If you need more training before you can embark on a professional writing career The Learning Annex, offers a brilliant array of classes. If there is not one in your city, try Gotham Writers' Workshop, they are based in NYC but teach courses online; it is a well respected learning institution.
Craig's List has a lot of work in the writing section; some paid, some not. When you're just starting out it is okay to take non-paying jobs just to get your work printed, especially since many paying gigs require some experience.
Once you've compiled a portfolio with 6 or more published pieces (Tear Sheets) start pursuing only paying gigs.
Do you have a great idea for an article?
Is your book idea the next #1 Best Seller?
Do you have pieces you've written that are ready for print?
If you answered YES, contact publishers NOW.
Writer's Market, is a "must-have" book for the aspiring writer, it is filled with useful information. W.M. tells you where, and how to sell what you write, including how to contact many agents, publishers, and magazines. You'll find helpful tips on everything from writing a query letter, to publishing a novel.
Get a subscription to First Writer, a web site for professional writers. You can join for just $2.99 per month and membership allows you to access the contact information for agents, publishers, magazines and a slew of writing contests.
Many a published writer has started their career with a contest: you can win cash prizes, awards, publication, and recognition - which will get you more work!
My advice: Write On!
READER RESPONSE:
Wow, thank you very much. I am a Librarian, so I read, read, read. Now, it's time to write...
Thanks for the websites, book recs. etc. I'll put it to good use.
Step # 2: WRITE
Step # 3: WRITE!
A writer writes.
Keep a journal, start a blog, write essays, articles, and anything else that moves you! Then let people read them. Ultimately, a writer's work must be read, when you are comfortable with this you're probably ready to "Go Pro".
If you are prepared to take on an assignment now, start perusing the want ads. There are a lot of lesser known magazines that work strictly with freelancers, and companies always need content for newsletters and websites.
Media Bistro has a great job section filled with a plethora of paid writing positions. They also host classes which you may find helpful; How to be a freelancer writer, How to publish a book, How to write for magazines.
If you need more training before you can embark on a professional writing career The Learning Annex, offers a brilliant array of classes. If there is not one in your city, try Gotham Writers' Workshop, they are based in NYC but teach courses online; it is a well respected learning institution.
Craig's List has a lot of work in the writing section; some paid, some not. When you're just starting out it is okay to take non-paying jobs just to get your work printed, especially since many paying gigs require some experience.
Once you've compiled a portfolio with 6 or more published pieces (Tear Sheets) start pursuing only paying gigs.
Do you have a great idea for an article?
Is your book idea the next #1 Best Seller?
Do you have pieces you've written that are ready for print?
If you answered YES, contact publishers NOW.
Writer's Market, is a "must-have" book for the aspiring writer, it is filled with useful information. W.M. tells you where, and how to sell what you write, including how to contact many agents, publishers, and magazines. You'll find helpful tips on everything from writing a query letter, to publishing a novel.
Get a subscription to First Writer, a web site for professional writers. You can join for just $2.99 per month and membership allows you to access the contact information for agents, publishers, magazines and a slew of writing contests.
Many a published writer has started their career with a contest: you can win cash prizes, awards, publication, and recognition - which will get you more work!
My advice: Write On!
READER RESPONSE:
Wow, thank you very much. I am a Librarian, so I read, read, read. Now, it's time to write...
Thanks for the websites, book recs. etc. I'll put it to good use.
WANNA BE WRITER
QUESTION:
I need some guidance. I want to be a writer, but the more research I do the more I realize it's a difficult field to break into, and not an easy source of income. I went to Journalism school and I have some freelance experience, but I'm ready to quit my corporate job and pursue non-fiction writing/editing full time. Any advice for an aspiring scribe?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Are you actually pitching your ideas, or just using your writing talent to complain that you can't get any writing work?
Priorities.
Don't write me, write a query to a magazine, or other publisher.
Right now you are just scared that no one would want to pay you for your writing. You fear rejection.
TRY IT ANYWAY!
Start submitting your work and do not stop until you are published.
If you want to win you need to get in the game.
I need some guidance. I want to be a writer, but the more research I do the more I realize it's a difficult field to break into, and not an easy source of income. I went to Journalism school and I have some freelance experience, but I'm ready to quit my corporate job and pursue non-fiction writing/editing full time. Any advice for an aspiring scribe?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Are you actually pitching your ideas, or just using your writing talent to complain that you can't get any writing work?
Priorities.
Don't write me, write a query to a magazine, or other publisher.
Right now you are just scared that no one would want to pay you for your writing. You fear rejection.
TRY IT ANYWAY!
Start submitting your work and do not stop until you are published.
If you want to win you need to get in the game.
WRITE OR DIE
QUESTION:
I've been freelancing for a while but I have hit a wall. Whenever I am asked to take a project I decline, and I am not pursuing other options. I am just filled with doubts. I have always dreamnt of being a professional writer but I wonder if I will ever make it, so I think, "Why bother?".
Writing is my greatest passion and I truly want to succeed, but how many people actually do? I want to write a column for a magazine but it's already been 6 years of freelancing and no steady gigs. What should I do?!
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
I've been freelancing for a while but I have hit a wall. Whenever I am asked to take a project I decline, and I am not pursuing other options. I am just filled with doubts. I have always dreamnt of being a professional writer but I wonder if I will ever make it, so I think, "Why bother?".
Writing is my greatest passion and I truly want to succeed, but how many people actually do? I want to write a column for a magazine but it's already been 6 years of freelancing and no steady gigs. What should I do?!
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Just dive in and trust you can swim! If you let fear and doubt rule you your life will become a series of missed opportunities and regrets.
Keep writing, submit your work, accept assignments, and live the life you've been dreaming about.
Or, forget everything and be miserable like the other half of the planet.
Your choice.
Keep writing, submit your work, accept assignments, and live the life you've been dreaming about.
Or, forget everything and be miserable like the other half of the planet.
Your choice.
MY FRIENDS SUCK
QUESTION:
Lately I feel totally alone. To be blunt, my friends suck! One has a bigger ego than the other, they are never there when I need them and all they want to talk about is them. What I want to do is never considered and if I don't do what they want they don't want me.
I know we sometimes outgrow people and I have been through this before, like after highschool, but I am tired of starting over. I don't want to put myself out there again and don't even know where to find new friends, but I really don't like feeling so lonely. What do I do???
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Lately I feel totally alone. To be blunt, my friends suck! One has a bigger ego than the other, they are never there when I need them and all they want to talk about is them. What I want to do is never considered and if I don't do what they want they don't want me.
I know we sometimes outgrow people and I have been through this before, like after highschool, but I am tired of starting over. I don't want to put myself out there again and don't even know where to find new friends, but I really don't like feeling so lonely. What do I do???
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
I think the universe is giving you the time and space to build a friendship with you. Take this time to really explore who you are, and what you have to offer. Be your own best friend.
It's time to fall in love with you!
While friendships are great, the most important relationship we have is with self. As you come to love and adore yourself more, and more, that energy will draw people to you who have a similar energy.
Stop trying to find friends, soon enough they will be drawn to you like moths to a flame. Keep the door to your heart open and true friendship will find its way in.
It's time to fall in love with you!
While friendships are great, the most important relationship we have is with self. As you come to love and adore yourself more, and more, that energy will draw people to you who have a similar energy.
Stop trying to find friends, soon enough they will be drawn to you like moths to a flame. Keep the door to your heart open and true friendship will find its way in.
SOBER LIVING - A.A. SUGGESTIONS
QUESTION:
Aside from not drinking and doing drugs, what can Lindsay Lohan do to stay clean and sober?
(Image care of Popsugar)
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
A.A. suggests that newcomers attend at least 90 meetings in 90 days, and change people, places and things.
If Lindsay continues to hang out with the same people, in the same places, most probably, she will start doing the same things! A.A. members will often refer to this as, "Playing on the railroad tracks", the premise being, if you stay there long enough you'll get hit by a train (have a drink or drug).
She needs to completely redesign her life, in order to put the old one behind her.
I hope she will choose to surround herself with sober friends---half of Hollywood is in A.A. so it won't be hard---and find new ways to entertain herself. She needs to befriend people who care about her health and wholeness; not just her paycheck, of which they get a percentage.
It's time for Lindsay to form a new posse: an AA sponsor will help her to work the steps, a therapist will work her through all those issues from her past, and a life coach can help her to redesign her life, and create new goals.
And when it gets hard - and it will - say the Serenity Prayer:
God, Grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And Wisdom to know the difference
Aside from not drinking and doing drugs, what can Lindsay Lohan do to stay clean and sober?
(Image care of Popsugar)
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
A.A. suggests that newcomers attend at least 90 meetings in 90 days, and change people, places and things.
If Lindsay continues to hang out with the same people, in the same places, most probably, she will start doing the same things! A.A. members will often refer to this as, "Playing on the railroad tracks", the premise being, if you stay there long enough you'll get hit by a train (have a drink or drug).
She needs to completely redesign her life, in order to put the old one behind her.
I hope she will choose to surround herself with sober friends---half of Hollywood is in A.A. so it won't be hard---and find new ways to entertain herself. She needs to befriend people who care about her health and wholeness; not just her paycheck, of which they get a percentage.
It's time for Lindsay to form a new posse: an AA sponsor will help her to work the steps, a therapist will work her through all those issues from her past, and a life coach can help her to redesign her life, and create new goals.
And when it gets hard - and it will - say the Serenity Prayer:
God, Grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And Wisdom to know the difference
MAINTAINING A FIT PHYSIQUE
QUESTION:
I'm a bit out of shape with a little chub, but not bad. Can you suggest any diets? I want to have a great bod, how do I do it?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
I'm a bit out of shape with a little chub, but not bad. Can you suggest any diets? I want to have a great bod, how do I do it?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Great eating combined with exercise is the key to a healthy, toned physique.
No diets! Just eat well (Balance of fruits, veggies, protein - low on bad carbs, sugar, soda, alcohol) and workout at least 20-30 minutes 5 days per week.
If you need to loose a few pounds, do 10-15 minutes more aerobic exercise daily and eat no more than 1200-1500 calories daily.
No diets! Just eat well (Balance of fruits, veggies, protein - low on bad carbs, sugar, soda, alcohol) and workout at least 20-30 minutes 5 days per week.
If you need to loose a few pounds, do 10-15 minutes more aerobic exercise daily and eat no more than 1200-1500 calories daily.
DIGGING YOURSELF OUT OF DEBT
QUESTION:
I just added up all of my credit card bills and realized I am $5000 in debt! I did not realize I was spending so much but there is always something I need. I don't like being in debt, but I also really like to have cool stuff. Can I do both??? I am seriously, seriously stressed about this!!! I am only 20 years old and already have a bunch of school loans, I am afraid I will be broke if I don't stop this. How do I pay down my bills?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
I just added up all of my credit card bills and realized I am $5000 in debt! I did not realize I was spending so much but there is always something I need. I don't like being in debt, but I also really like to have cool stuff. Can I do both??? I am seriously, seriously stressed about this!!! I am only 20 years old and already have a bunch of school loans, I am afraid I will be broke if I don't stop this. How do I pay down my bills?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Step 1: STOP SPENDING!
Take the money you would spend on "stuff" and put it towards your bills. It doesn't matter what you want, or what you feel you must have - that money needs to go to paying off your debts.
Create a budget you can follow and live by it!
MAKE A MONTHLY BUDGET
You may also want to look into getting a new credit card; many companies will give you zero interest for a period of time, if you roll over your current balance from another card. This will give you time to pay off your debts without accruing any additional interest.
Try to double up on CC payments when you can, it will save you tons on interest.
Going into the future, you may want to live by the "24 Hour Rule": that means that you buy NOTHING without thinking about for 24 hours before making the purchase. This will stop that "Impulse Buying", which the stores depend on.
Decide what is more important, anon, "stuff", or your peace of mind.
Take the money you would spend on "stuff" and put it towards your bills. It doesn't matter what you want, or what you feel you must have - that money needs to go to paying off your debts.
Create a budget you can follow and live by it!
MAKE A MONTHLY BUDGET
You may also want to look into getting a new credit card; many companies will give you zero interest for a period of time, if you roll over your current balance from another card. This will give you time to pay off your debts without accruing any additional interest.
Try to double up on CC payments when you can, it will save you tons on interest.
Going into the future, you may want to live by the "24 Hour Rule": that means that you buy NOTHING without thinking about for 24 hours before making the purchase. This will stop that "Impulse Buying", which the stores depend on.
Decide what is more important, anon, "stuff", or your peace of mind.
GREAT GIFTS UNDER $25
QUESTION:
My roommate is turning 25 and I want to get her something special, but it needs to be under $25. Any great gift ideas?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
My roommate is turning 25 and I want to get her something special, but it needs to be under $25. Any great gift ideas?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Something with a photo of the two of you will be memorable. Take your best photo from your most fabulous "night to remember" and turn it into a keepsake. You can make anything from a coffee mug, to a calendar with a different photo for every month, for under $25.
If she likes to cook, you can even make her an apron for just $19.99, a coffee mug is just $14.99.
SHUTTERFLY PHOTO GIFTS
Flowers also make a great gift; try Star Gazer Lilies; they last for a good two weeks.
Still not sure what to get her?
More great gifts under $25
If she likes to cook, you can even make her an apron for just $19.99, a coffee mug is just $14.99.
SHUTTERFLY PHOTO GIFTS
Flowers also make a great gift; try Star Gazer Lilies; they last for a good two weeks.
Still not sure what to get her?
More great gifts under $25
SELF HELP BOOKS
QUESTION:
What's your favorite self help book? Read any books that have changed your life, or inspired you?
KRISTA-LYNN'S BOOK SUGGESTIONS:
What's your favorite self help book? Read any books that have changed your life, or inspired you?
KRISTA-LYNN'S BOOK SUGGESTIONS:
Let me preface my book suggestions by telling you that I started my first company, "Search for Self", when I was just 18 years old. I've always been totally obsessed with figuring out "who I am and why I'm here".
These books have helped me to find my way.
If you want to help yourself, my suggestions will take you on a glorious journey of self discovery.
Keep reading and you will remember who you really are.
Guardians of Hope: The Angels' Guide to Personal Growth: Terry Lynn Taylor
I Could Do Anything-If Only I Knew What It Was: Barbara Sher
7 Spiritual Laws of Success: Deepak Chopra
Seat of the Soul: Gary Zukav
The Power of Now: Eckhart Tolle
Ask and It Is Given: Esther and Jerry Hicks
Do You: Russell Simmons
FEAST-The Cure for Spiritual Anorexia: Krista-Lynn Landolfi
These books have helped me to find my way.
If you want to help yourself, my suggestions will take you on a glorious journey of self discovery.
Keep reading and you will remember who you really are.
Guardians of Hope: The Angels' Guide to Personal Growth: Terry Lynn Taylor
I Could Do Anything-If Only I Knew What It Was: Barbara Sher
7 Spiritual Laws of Success: Deepak Chopra
Seat of the Soul: Gary Zukav
The Power of Now: Eckhart Tolle
Ask and It Is Given: Esther and Jerry Hicks
Do You: Russell Simmons
FEAST-The Cure for Spiritual Anorexia: Krista-Lynn Landolfi
K-FED WINS FULL CUSTODY
QUESTION:
K-Fed has won full custody of his and Britney's two children. Does this mean that Britney is a bad mother? What, if anything, can Brit possibly do to regain custody?
(Usmagazine.com)
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Statistically speaking, the court tends to side with the mother in a custody battle, feeling her influence to be most important to the child.
For the court to take away her custodial rights there would need to be big, BIG issues. The court's findings show that Britney is in even worse shape than people thought.
Brit has really crated this entire situation by not showing up for court dates, and blowing off her drug tests; her complete indifference warrants her loss of rights.
It is obvious that Britney Spears is a sick woman. My prayer is that Britney finds the help and healing she so desperately needs.
The following are my "life redesign" tips.
GET WELL GAME PLAN:
1) No Drinking, No Drugging, No Matter What!
2) Sanity - Not Vanity: Get a psychiatric evaluation, and take mood stabilizing medications if needed - and you appear to need them desperately!
3) You are out of control - Get therapy NOW. Whether you like it or not, you must continue to work with a licensed counselor, therapist or psychoanalyst, until you have found inner peace, and a strong grasp of "Right and Wrong".
4) Take parenting classes. It is time to learn what your children need from you, and how to provide it.
PARENTING SERVICES
CENTER FOR IMPROVEMENT OF CHILD CARING - L.A.
PARENTING CLASSES IN L.A.
K-Fed has won full custody of his and Britney's two children. Does this mean that Britney is a bad mother? What, if anything, can Brit possibly do to regain custody?
(Usmagazine.com)
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Statistically speaking, the court tends to side with the mother in a custody battle, feeling her influence to be most important to the child.
For the court to take away her custodial rights there would need to be big, BIG issues. The court's findings show that Britney is in even worse shape than people thought.
Brit has really crated this entire situation by not showing up for court dates, and blowing off her drug tests; her complete indifference warrants her loss of rights.
It is obvious that Britney Spears is a sick woman. My prayer is that Britney finds the help and healing she so desperately needs.
The following are my "life redesign" tips.
GET WELL GAME PLAN:
1) No Drinking, No Drugging, No Matter What!
2) Sanity - Not Vanity: Get a psychiatric evaluation, and take mood stabilizing medications if needed - and you appear to need them desperately!
3) You are out of control - Get therapy NOW. Whether you like it or not, you must continue to work with a licensed counselor, therapist or psychoanalyst, until you have found inner peace, and a strong grasp of "Right and Wrong".
4) Take parenting classes. It is time to learn what your children need from you, and how to provide it.
PARENTING SERVICES
CENTER FOR IMPROVEMENT OF CHILD CARING - L.A.
PARENTING CLASSES IN L.A.
STILL SEARCHING ...
QUESTION:
It's been two months since I was let go, due to downsizing, and I have been searching for a job ever since. Do you have any tips for what to do in an interview to land a dream job? Anything I should not do? How can I ace an interview?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
It's been two months since I was let go, due to downsizing, and I have been searching for a job ever since. Do you have any tips for what to do in an interview to land a dream job? Anything I should not do? How can I ace an interview?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Leave your insecurities at home! Focus on your strengths, skills, and passion for the job for which you are applying. If you are weak in an area, be honest, but let them know you are eager to learn.
Commitment, passion, and enthusiasm are the qualities that will set you apart from others who have equal or better credentials.
An interview is a time for you to SHINE -- don't ever hold back, or play small.
Be confident! If you really want that job, you let them know that you will do whatever it takes. But never be desperate.
Trust that you will get the absolute best job for you, if one falls through, it was not your one.
Just "keep on keeping on" until you get that dream job!!! If you are willing to accept nothing but the best you will get it.
INTERVIEW TIPS
ACE THE INTERVIEW
GET THE JOB
I'm rooting for you!
KL
Commitment, passion, and enthusiasm are the qualities that will set you apart from others who have equal or better credentials.
An interview is a time for you to SHINE -- don't ever hold back, or play small.
Be confident! If you really want that job, you let them know that you will do whatever it takes. But never be desperate.
Trust that you will get the absolute best job for you, if one falls through, it was not your one.
Just "keep on keeping on" until you get that dream job!!! If you are willing to accept nothing but the best you will get it.
INTERVIEW TIPS
ACE THE INTERVIEW
GET THE JOB
I'm rooting for you!
KL
DREAM JOB
QUESTION:
I am in big trouble, I've gotten fired from two jobs in two weeks! The first was a job I used to love, but the boss was pushing me way to hard, overtime with no extra pay, and it became stressful, so I gave my two week notice. They told me not to bother coming in anymore.
I took this other job that sounded great, they made tons of promises, including 30 hours per week, but as soon as I started it was more like 15, which does not pay my bills.
Where do I go from here? How do I get a the right job this time? I am feeling very discouraged and scared, not sure where to look or what to do. I just need to get a job and start making some money, where should I look? I just don't trust myself right now...
KRISTA-LYNN ADVICE:
The universe did you a favor. You got fired to motivate you to get a better job. One that will fuel your passion, and make you feel fabulously alive, and fulfilled.
What have you always wished you could do?
What makes you light up when you think about it?
What's your dream job?
Decide what you really want to do before looking -- then only apply for jobs that align with your values.
TIPS:
Know Yourself: Make a list of your talents, gifts, skills, and everything you think you'd be good at
Be True to You: Make a list of everything you want/need in a job, and do not accept a job that does not fufill at least 85% of your requirements (Values).
Know Your Worth: Set a financial standard for yourself and do not go a cent lower.
Go Bigger: Aim higher than you think you can go.
This could be an opportunity to get the job you've always dreamed of ...
You must simply be willing to dream.
I am in big trouble, I've gotten fired from two jobs in two weeks! The first was a job I used to love, but the boss was pushing me way to hard, overtime with no extra pay, and it became stressful, so I gave my two week notice. They told me not to bother coming in anymore.
I took this other job that sounded great, they made tons of promises, including 30 hours per week, but as soon as I started it was more like 15, which does not pay my bills.
Where do I go from here? How do I get a the right job this time? I am feeling very discouraged and scared, not sure where to look or what to do. I just need to get a job and start making some money, where should I look? I just don't trust myself right now...
KRISTA-LYNN ADVICE:
The universe did you a favor. You got fired to motivate you to get a better job. One that will fuel your passion, and make you feel fabulously alive, and fulfilled.
What have you always wished you could do?
What makes you light up when you think about it?
What's your dream job?
Decide what you really want to do before looking -- then only apply for jobs that align with your values.
TIPS:
Know Yourself: Make a list of your talents, gifts, skills, and everything you think you'd be good at
Be True to You: Make a list of everything you want/need in a job, and do not accept a job that does not fufill at least 85% of your requirements (Values).
Know Your Worth: Set a financial standard for yourself and do not go a cent lower.
Go Bigger: Aim higher than you think you can go.
This could be an opportunity to get the job you've always dreamed of ...
You must simply be willing to dream.
FOR LOVE OR MONEY?
QUESTION:
Need some life advice: I'm currently in an internship that pays somewhat standard. I got a permanent job offer for $65K (that's a little above average for someone in my position) but the company's reputation in the industry is horrible.
The current company I'm with has lots of potential but I dont know if they're going to offer me a full time position at the end of the internship.
Sooo...money or opportunities?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Need some life advice: I'm currently in an internship that pays somewhat standard. I got a permanent job offer for $65K (that's a little above average for someone in my position) but the company's reputation in the industry is horrible.
The current company I'm with has lots of potential but I dont know if they're going to offer me a full time position at the end of the internship.
Sooo...money or opportunities?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Studies have shown that upwards of 75% of people do not like their job. Some even hate their work. They stay there because they don't like change, and often, because they are afraid they can't do any better (Lie).
Realize that once you take a job there will be a tendency to stay there - no matter what.
Pick a job you love.
Once your financial needs are met, everything else is just a bonus.
How much money do you need to earn monthly to live comfortably?
If you haven't already done this, make a budget, based on your monthly expenses, and projected income. This website will take you step-by-step through the process:
MAKE A MONTHLY BUDGET
Remember: No amount of money will give you the satisfaction you'll get from a job you love.
Realize that once you take a job there will be a tendency to stay there - no matter what.
Pick a job you love.
Once your financial needs are met, everything else is just a bonus.
How much money do you need to earn monthly to live comfortably?
If you haven't already done this, make a budget, based on your monthly expenses, and projected income. This website will take you step-by-step through the process:
MAKE A MONTHLY BUDGET
Remember: No amount of money will give you the satisfaction you'll get from a job you love.
WHAT TO WEAR - JOB INTERVIEW
QUESTION:
I have an interview next month in New York with a literary agent for possible representation. What is the proper attire for this, since, obviously, one is a writer, not a corporate drone?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
The proper attire is business professional, with a twist. You got tons of choices.
Appropriate attire includes anything from a fitted blazer with some dressy jeans, to a dress that makes you feel fabulous. Accessories will complete your look: funky jewelry, a dynamic scarf, or a great bag will let your personal style shine through.
Keep trying different outfits until you find the one that makes you feel like a NY Times best-selling author...
I have an interview next month in New York with a literary agent for possible representation. What is the proper attire for this, since, obviously, one is a writer, not a corporate drone?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
The proper attire is business professional, with a twist. You got tons of choices.
Appropriate attire includes anything from a fitted blazer with some dressy jeans, to a dress that makes you feel fabulous. Accessories will complete your look: funky jewelry, a dynamic scarf, or a great bag will let your personal style shine through.
Keep trying different outfits until you find the one that makes you feel like a NY Times best-selling author...
50'S INSPIRED FASHION
QUESTION:
I love the retro-look, especially 50's inspired fashions. Any ideas as to where I can find funky 50's styles?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
You can get a wide array of great 50's inspired outfit online.
Where to Find Retro and Vintage Inspired Clothing on the Internet
1. Daddy O's Daddy O's offers retro inspired clothing for both guys and gals, but their guys section is one of the best on the internet! Daddy O's retro inspired guys clothing includes many styles of bowling shirts, western style shirts, jackets, pants, and even shoes. Daddy O's also has a large line of accessories for men, including belts and wallets. Daddy O's line of clothing for girls includes a vast selection of vintage reproduction dresses, separates, and shoes. Daddy O's also has a complete line of accessories for girls that includes purses, jewelry, and sunglasses. If you really want to look you've just blasted straight from the past, just spend some of your hard earned cash at Daddy O's.
2. MyBabyJo MyBabyJo offers a complete line of retro inspired clothing for both guys and girls, but their girls selection is much larger. Their stand out items include true retro reproduction swimming suits and floral hair clips. MyBabyJo also offers a complete line of true vintage reproduction undergarments, unlike many stores that only offer slight vintage touches to their modern undergarments. MyBabyJo's men's line includes T-Shirts with retro inspired logos, which are absent from many of the other retro inspired clothing websites.
3. Babygirl Boutique Babygirl Boutique offers a complete line of retro inspired clothing for both guys and girls by some of the most famous brands in the business. Babygirl Boutique offers clothing by brands like Paper Doll Productions, Lip Service, Lucky 11, E.C Star, and Steady. Babygirl Boutique's clothing is not as true to the style of the 1940's and 50's as Daddy O's or MyBabyJo but they still offer some great pieces.
4.Pinup Girl Clothing Pinup Girl is one of the most famous online retailers of retro reproduction clothing out there. They offer a large selection of girls clothing and accessories and a smaller selection for guys. Their stand out items include their own brand of retro inspired dresses and swim wear. Pinup Girl also offers a very large selection of retro inspired shoes and jewelry. They are also very famous for their Halloween Costumes.
5. AtomRetro If you are looking for retro inspired clothing mixed with music, AtomRetro is your shop. They offer clothing inspired from the great decade that is the 60's and also many retro styled band t-shirts, patches, and pins. AtomRetro will take a little bit longer to ship to you than the other online retailers mentioned in this article because the website is based out of the UK.
By Chloe Xanthis
Published May 04, 2007
READ ARTICLE
I love the retro-look, especially 50's inspired fashions. Any ideas as to where I can find funky 50's styles?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
You can get a wide array of great 50's inspired outfit online.
Where to Find Retro and Vintage Inspired Clothing on the Internet
1. Daddy O's Daddy O's offers retro inspired clothing for both guys and gals, but their guys section is one of the best on the internet! Daddy O's retro inspired guys clothing includes many styles of bowling shirts, western style shirts, jackets, pants, and even shoes. Daddy O's also has a large line of accessories for men, including belts and wallets. Daddy O's line of clothing for girls includes a vast selection of vintage reproduction dresses, separates, and shoes. Daddy O's also has a complete line of accessories for girls that includes purses, jewelry, and sunglasses. If you really want to look you've just blasted straight from the past, just spend some of your hard earned cash at Daddy O's.
2. MyBabyJo MyBabyJo offers a complete line of retro inspired clothing for both guys and girls, but their girls selection is much larger. Their stand out items include true retro reproduction swimming suits and floral hair clips. MyBabyJo also offers a complete line of true vintage reproduction undergarments, unlike many stores that only offer slight vintage touches to their modern undergarments. MyBabyJo's men's line includes T-Shirts with retro inspired logos, which are absent from many of the other retro inspired clothing websites.
3. Babygirl Boutique Babygirl Boutique offers a complete line of retro inspired clothing for both guys and girls by some of the most famous brands in the business. Babygirl Boutique offers clothing by brands like Paper Doll Productions, Lip Service, Lucky 11, E.C Star, and Steady. Babygirl Boutique's clothing is not as true to the style of the 1940's and 50's as Daddy O's or MyBabyJo but they still offer some great pieces.
4.Pinup Girl Clothing Pinup Girl is one of the most famous online retailers of retro reproduction clothing out there. They offer a large selection of girls clothing and accessories and a smaller selection for guys. Their stand out items include their own brand of retro inspired dresses and swim wear. Pinup Girl also offers a very large selection of retro inspired shoes and jewelry. They are also very famous for their Halloween Costumes.
5. AtomRetro If you are looking for retro inspired clothing mixed with music, AtomRetro is your shop. They offer clothing inspired from the great decade that is the 60's and also many retro styled band t-shirts, patches, and pins. AtomRetro will take a little bit longer to ship to you than the other online retailers mentioned in this article because the website is based out of the UK.
By Chloe Xanthis
Published May 04, 2007
READ ARTICLE
WHERE TO FIND IT: SHIRTS & MORE
QUESTION:
Where can I find an off the shoulder shirt? I love the look and have had a hard time finding one.
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
A great selection of "Off the shoulder" tops can be found online.
Most stores can have a shirt to you within 3 days.
Prices vary from $14.99-$750.00 depending on designer.
Shot at 2007-08-06 VENUS
SHOP VENUS
COMPARISON SHOP
Where can I find an off the shoulder shirt? I love the look and have had a hard time finding one.
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
A great selection of "Off the shoulder" tops can be found online.
Most stores can have a shirt to you within 3 days.
Prices vary from $14.99-$750.00 depending on designer.
Shot at 2007-08-06 VENUS
SHOP VENUS
COMPARISON SHOP
THE MEANING OF LIFE
QUESTION:
Sometimes I don't get the point of life. I just don't know what to do with myself, or if any of it even matters.
I think it's the old, "Why are we here?" question.
I live my life; great job, girl, and even own my own place. I have tons of fun, but if I'm just enjoying myself I feel without a purpose. I wonder if there is something else I should be doing? Something more.
Has anyone figured out why we are here? What makes life meaningful? Is it possible to live this best life I'm always hearing about, or all we all just trying to do our best to get by?
I want to feel better, but how?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Sometimes I don't get the point of life. I just don't know what to do with myself, or if any of it even matters.
I think it's the old, "Why are we here?" question.
I live my life; great job, girl, and even own my own place. I have tons of fun, but if I'm just enjoying myself I feel without a purpose. I wonder if there is something else I should be doing? Something more.
Has anyone figured out why we are here? What makes life meaningful? Is it possible to live this best life I'm always hearing about, or all we all just trying to do our best to get by?
I want to feel better, but how?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Since your life is already full, I suggest meditating on your life purpose. Each of us was born to fulfill a need in the world that no other can, what unique gifts do you bring to the world?
I believe that the more you share from your soul, the more fulfillment you will find. Focus on serving the world and you will have greater satisfaction! You need to get out of your own head: you are just thinking to much right now.
Why are we here? I believe the purpose of life is to love, learn, grow, experience, connect with others, improve, evolve, and ENJOY.
I believe that the more you share from your soul, the more fulfillment you will find. Focus on serving the world and you will have greater satisfaction! You need to get out of your own head: you are just thinking to much right now.
Why are we here? I believe the purpose of life is to love, learn, grow, experience, connect with others, improve, evolve, and ENJOY.
DE-STESS ME!
QUESTION:
What do you do to de-stress? I'm in dire need of some ideas.
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
What do you do to de-stress? I'm in dire need of some ideas.
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
I start the day off right by taking several deep breaths, and setting my intentions before getting out of bed. I imagine the day unfolding in the best possible way. I see what has to get done and the order in which I will do it. Then, I power myself up with some positive affirmations, which I write on my daily to-do lists, so I see them throughout the day.
Sometimes -- especially when I'm neglecting my "Me Time" -- all the prep in the world is to no avail, and I still get stressed. When this happens I just STOP. I drop the drama, and disengage from what's stressing me. I'll hang up the phone, get off the computer, stop the car, or walk away from a situation.
If I am really stressed I know I need to just stop and breathe.
Consciously connecting with Source (God) always centers me quickly. I'll start breathing deeply, as I imagine Light (Life Force) entering my body through the top of my head, rejuvenating me.
I also connect with the Earth, and call on my highest self, who is beyond stress. I'll ask myself; "What do you need right now"? Without fail, an answer will guide me to my next best step, and back to peace.
When you don't give in to stress, and take measures to move beyond it, it dissipates quickly.
Sometimes -- especially when I'm neglecting my "Me Time" -- all the prep in the world is to no avail, and I still get stressed. When this happens I just STOP. I drop the drama, and disengage from what's stressing me. I'll hang up the phone, get off the computer, stop the car, or walk away from a situation.
If I am really stressed I know I need to just stop and breathe.
Consciously connecting with Source (God) always centers me quickly. I'll start breathing deeply, as I imagine Light (Life Force) entering my body through the top of my head, rejuvenating me.
I also connect with the Earth, and call on my highest self, who is beyond stress. I'll ask myself; "What do you need right now"? Without fail, an answer will guide me to my next best step, and back to peace.
When you don't give in to stress, and take measures to move beyond it, it dissipates quickly.
IS KARMA REAL?
QUESTION:
Do you believe in good Karma?
If you treat others with respect and kindness and generosity, does it come back to you?
KRISTA-LYNN'S RESPONSE:
What you focus on grows, what you put out comes back. It's just the way the universe works.
Do you believe in good Karma?
If you treat others with respect and kindness and generosity, does it come back to you?
KRISTA-LYNN'S RESPONSE:
What you focus on grows, what you put out comes back. It's just the way the universe works.
PSYCHIC OR SCAM?
QUESTION:
What do you think of psychics?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Working with a psychic can be a totally mind blowing experience. If they are for real, you'll experience a moment of "Heaven-on-Earth".
I've been working with one woman in particular, for over 15 years; she is profoundly gifted.
Over the years I've met a few who are also phenomenal, even providing mediumship - connecting me with deceased loved ones.
Then there are the charlatans, fake, money grubbing thieves who try to convince you there is a curse on your soul that only they can cure. For a hefty fee, of course!
If you want a reading, it's best to get a referral a friend or relative, or to work with someone who is well established.
We're all all psychic to a degree...
What does your gut - intuition - tell you about psychics?
What do you think of psychics?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Working with a psychic can be a totally mind blowing experience. If they are for real, you'll experience a moment of "Heaven-on-Earth".
I've been working with one woman in particular, for over 15 years; she is profoundly gifted.
Over the years I've met a few who are also phenomenal, even providing mediumship - connecting me with deceased loved ones.
Then there are the charlatans, fake, money grubbing thieves who try to convince you there is a curse on your soul that only they can cure. For a hefty fee, of course!
If you want a reading, it's best to get a referral a friend or relative, or to work with someone who is well established.
We're all all psychic to a degree...
What does your gut - intuition - tell you about psychics?
FUNERAL ETIQUETTE
QUESTION:
My aunt died, and while we were once close, we have not been for many years. I love her very much and wish to honor her passing, but I can not take two days off work. I want to be there to support my dad, but I seriously fear I will be fired if I take off more than one day of work (I have to drive 8 hours each way to the funeral)
I was planning on missing the wake, but driving in for the funeral only, is that OK? Is it wrong of me not to attend the wake and funeral? I just want to do right by my aunt. I will also send flowers......... any other ideas?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
My aunt died, and while we were once close, we have not been for many years. I love her very much and wish to honor her passing, but I can not take two days off work. I want to be there to support my dad, but I seriously fear I will be fired if I take off more than one day of work (I have to drive 8 hours each way to the funeral)
I was planning on missing the wake, but driving in for the funeral only, is that OK? Is it wrong of me not to attend the wake and funeral? I just want to do right by my aunt. I will also send flowers......... any other ideas?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Sorry to hear about your loss. My prayers are with you and your family.
My dad is a Funeral Director, so I know all about funeral etiquette...
You are doing the right thing.
Your plan to attend the mass and send flowers to the wake is perfectly acceptable, and quite common.
And really, it's the best you can do right now, so be gentle with yourself.
What matters most is that you love your aunt and want to honor her life.
Guilt serves no one, and it distracts you from the truth, so let it go! Your aunt died and that is painful, be with your sorrow and let yourself grieve.
If you really want to do something more you can have a Mass said in her name, to honor her life, and her passing.
Mass to Honor Deceased
Mass Cards
The pain of the loss will continue on far beyond the funeral, and that is when you will be needed most. Do what you can now, and continue to support your father and family members in months to come.
My dad is a Funeral Director, so I know all about funeral etiquette...
You are doing the right thing.
Your plan to attend the mass and send flowers to the wake is perfectly acceptable, and quite common.
And really, it's the best you can do right now, so be gentle with yourself.
What matters most is that you love your aunt and want to honor her life.
Guilt serves no one, and it distracts you from the truth, so let it go! Your aunt died and that is painful, be with your sorrow and let yourself grieve.
If you really want to do something more you can have a Mass said in her name, to honor her life, and her passing.
Mass to Honor Deceased
Mass Cards
The pain of the loss will continue on far beyond the funeral, and that is when you will be needed most. Do what you can now, and continue to support your father and family members in months to come.
DRESS UP DOLL
KRISTA-LYNN'S QUESTION:
I'm about to embark on a shopping excursion and I'd like some input.
What MUST HAVE piece would you suggest for me?
Here are a couple recent photos of me, so you can see my body type.
I am 5'7", size 2-4, with broad shoulders, long legs, and a bubble butt.
I want to hear what styles you think will work best for me.
NOTE: I frequently attend dressier events, and I need to build my professional wardrobe.
Thanks!
KL
ADVICE FROM READERS:
FASHIONISTA #2
anthropologie has the right stuff for you as well:
I like what you are wearing in pics, I'm all about the dresses and boots when I actually have to look human. I just do the 4ever21 version because I am poor. But your body type can wear anything, Anais.
FASHIONISTA #3
Work the legs in a cashmere sweater dress, opaque tights and fabulous boots. Rock & Republic jeans come super-long so you can still wear them with heels. Try neutrals to make that blonde hair pop. Oh... and a belted wool coat that cinches the waist will have you looking foxier than Gisele.
FASHIONISTA #4
I'm still obsessed with the Iconic Galaxy Dress. how Roland Mouret is this?!?
(at Macys)
FASHIONISTA #5
I'm about to embark on a shopping excursion and I'd like some input.
What MUST HAVE piece would you suggest for me?
Here are a couple recent photos of me, so you can see my body type.
I am 5'7", size 2-4, with broad shoulders, long legs, and a bubble butt.
I want to hear what styles you think will work best for me.
NOTE: I frequently attend dressier events, and I need to build my professional wardrobe.
Thanks!
KL
ADVICE FROM READERS:
FASHIONISTA #1
How about a dazzling
trench?
Let me just say...
you'll look ravishing
showing up at an event in one.
(Nordstrom.com)
How about a dazzling
trench?
Let me just say...
you'll look ravishing
showing up at an event in one.
(Nordstrom.com)
FASHIONISTA #2
anthropologie has the right stuff for you as well:
I like what you are wearing in pics, I'm all about the dresses and boots when I actually have to look human. I just do the 4ever21 version because I am poor. But your body type can wear anything, Anais.
FASHIONISTA #3
Work the legs in a cashmere sweater dress, opaque tights and fabulous boots. Rock & Republic jeans come super-long so you can still wear them with heels. Try neutrals to make that blonde hair pop. Oh... and a belted wool coat that cinches the waist will have you looking foxier than Gisele.
FASHIONISTA #4
I'm still obsessed with the Iconic Galaxy Dress. how Roland Mouret is this?!?
(at Macys)
FASHIONISTA #5
How about this one for a party
Work
Work
Work
Work / Dinner
Work
Work
Work
Work / Dinner
B.F.F. or BYE BYE?
QUESTION:
Last night was drama, drama, drama. I don’t even want to get into it because it is such a long story, but in short I got in a fight with my bff. (I hate that terminology it sounds so superficial, but you get the picture).
Anyway, I love this girl. We have nothing but good times. We’ve been friends for about two-three years now and this is our first “official” fight. I value our friendship, but some of the stuff that went down last night doesn’t quite sit right. I can’t even see myself calling her to even begin to discuss. Should I wait until things cool off or could this be the end? I don’t do shady people and my perception of her has done a 180.
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Perhaps you've finally gotten a clear view of the girl you call your best friend? Sometimes people aren't who we think they are, often, it takes a challenge for their true colors to come through.
Is she really the BEST?
If she is, you will work through this together.
If she's not really as great as you thought, you will just move on. You won't have to do or say much, the friendship will just fade away.
Experiences like this give us an opportunity to reevaluate our lives. Is she really the type of friend you want?
You know what you want and need in a friendship -- trust, honesty, compassion, humor, et cetera -- if this girl can not give you that, find some friends who can. And if your friend is as fab as you hope, and this was just a blip in time, FORGIVE HER.
Get silent, go within, and listen to your heart - you will know what to do next.
Remember: Some friends are in our life for a reason, some are for a season... very few are for a lifetime.
Blessings,
KL
Last night was drama, drama, drama. I don’t even want to get into it because it is such a long story, but in short I got in a fight with my bff. (I hate that terminology it sounds so superficial, but you get the picture).
Anyway, I love this girl. We have nothing but good times. We’ve been friends for about two-three years now and this is our first “official” fight. I value our friendship, but some of the stuff that went down last night doesn’t quite sit right. I can’t even see myself calling her to even begin to discuss. Should I wait until things cool off or could this be the end? I don’t do shady people and my perception of her has done a 180.
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Perhaps you've finally gotten a clear view of the girl you call your best friend? Sometimes people aren't who we think they are, often, it takes a challenge for their true colors to come through.
Is she really the BEST?
If she is, you will work through this together.
If she's not really as great as you thought, you will just move on. You won't have to do or say much, the friendship will just fade away.
Experiences like this give us an opportunity to reevaluate our lives. Is she really the type of friend you want?
You know what you want and need in a friendship -- trust, honesty, compassion, humor, et cetera -- if this girl can not give you that, find some friends who can. And if your friend is as fab as you hope, and this was just a blip in time, FORGIVE HER.
Get silent, go within, and listen to your heart - you will know what to do next.
Remember: Some friends are in our life for a reason, some are for a season... very few are for a lifetime.
Blessings,
KL
THE ART OF FELLATIO
QUESTION:
This is kinda embarrassing, but I really need to know how to give a blow job. Seriously. I started dating a great guy several months ago - he is my first male lover - and the few times I've tried, he hasn't climaxed. I haven't got the first clue what to do, he's made some attempts at guiding me but he's kind of too well-mannered to tell me anything explicit. I try to get him off and it doesn't work, so we both wind up frustrated..
The only other sexual experience I've had was a two-year relationship with a girl; everything just clicked! I knew what to do with her.....
The guy I am dating is GREAT! I adore him, and he is very adept at brining me to orgasm, which only makes me want to please him more. We are both virgins, each of us has done "everything but" as well and I don't want to go there until I've actually done everything else - to completion.
I am horribly frustrated...... and so is he!
I wish he was a girl because then I'd know exactly what to do. This makes me question if perhaps I am really a lesbian??? I appear to be lacking some basic intuition, I just don't know what to do with a man. I feel badly about this because I am sure he is totally frustrated by my lack of skills.
I am only 18 and I know a lot of people are still figuring out this sex stuff, but I just don't know what to do. Please help me, I really need some tips for pleasing a man, most specifically, how to give a blow job. Is there a special technique I can use? Explain, because I don't get it.
My boyfriend was my best friend for about a year prior to our dating, so that adds to the awkwardness. It's like, "oh hey, you're naked - that's weird"!
I just want to please him the way he does me. Break it down for me ......
This is kinda embarrassing, but I really need to know how to give a blow job. Seriously. I started dating a great guy several months ago - he is my first male lover - and the few times I've tried, he hasn't climaxed. I haven't got the first clue what to do, he's made some attempts at guiding me but he's kind of too well-mannered to tell me anything explicit. I try to get him off and it doesn't work, so we both wind up frustrated..
The only other sexual experience I've had was a two-year relationship with a girl; everything just clicked! I knew what to do with her.....
The guy I am dating is GREAT! I adore him, and he is very adept at brining me to orgasm, which only makes me want to please him more. We are both virgins, each of us has done "everything but" as well and I don't want to go there until I've actually done everything else - to completion.
I am horribly frustrated...... and so is he!
I wish he was a girl because then I'd know exactly what to do. This makes me question if perhaps I am really a lesbian??? I appear to be lacking some basic intuition, I just don't know what to do with a man. I feel badly about this because I am sure he is totally frustrated by my lack of skills.
I am only 18 and I know a lot of people are still figuring out this sex stuff, but I just don't know what to do. Please help me, I really need some tips for pleasing a man, most specifically, how to give a blow job. Is there a special technique I can use? Explain, because I don't get it.
My boyfriend was my best friend for about a year prior to our dating, so that adds to the awkwardness. It's like, "oh hey, you're naked - that's weird"!
I just want to please him the way he does me. Break it down for me ......
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
You're going to have to get quiet and go within to discover where your true passion lies in regards to sex; maybe you are a lesbian -- maybe not? You will come to understand your personal truth in time, if you are willing to accept it.
For now, let's cover the art of fellatio, so you can give your boyfriend some relief!
Start by undressing your man very, very slowly, and seductively. Remove his shirt, rubbing his shoulders as you pull it off. Use your hands to caress his entire body.
EXPLORE HIM.
Once his shirt is off, kiss his neck ... bite his shoulder ... and begin making your way down his mid-section, using your lips and tongue. Remember to pause and make eye contact, this will keep him engaged, and intensify his desire.
After you've worked on his upper body and stirred up some passion, start to tease his lower body. Run your hands up and down his legs, slowly working your way up to his zipper.
Teasingly stroke his clothed penis . . . Ask him what he wants you to do with it . . . Ask if he would like you to kiss it?
Start kissing his belly, teasing him, while you slowly work off his pants.
If it's worked out right, he will now be totally naked. Take in the vision of his loveliness. Express your excitement to be with him, telling him how hot he is, and pointing out things you love.
He should be pretty excited by this point, but you want to continue to make it ALL ABOUT HIM. Don't let him touch you yet. Tell him to lay back and enjoy.
You have the option of getting a little naughty at this point -- sex talk works wonders. The right words will send him over the edge quickly, so here's a little Naughty Talk 101: Start by talking about his penis -- big, hard, bulging, throbbing -- guys want to know you want their cock (A word they seem to like).
Let him know you want it.
Tell him to give it to you.
Keep stroking his body, and his member, until he is throbbing with excitement, then, take it in your mouth.
With your eyes locked on his, tease him with your tongue, working your way up and down the shaft. Guys are very visual and love to watch, so put on a show for him.
When he starts to squirm with excitement, open your mouth wide to take his entire penis into your mouth. Using your lips, your tongue, and your hand, gently work your way up and down his penis. Ask him if he likes it faster or slower . . . let him guide you to exactly HOW he likes it.
Once his penis is slickery wet you can use your hand, and tease him with just your tongue. If he responds to sex talk, keep saying naughty things to encourage his orgasm.
If you are totally tuned in with him you will find your rhythm. Watch his facial expressions, and note the sounds he makes. When he likes something, do more of it, when he gets really quiet, make an adjustment.
If you are ever unsure, ask him for direction.
If he really, really can not achieve orgasm with you, it may just be nerves. In that case, when he is really hot and ready to explode -- but unable to -- ask him to masturbate for you. Tell him you like to watch and you want to see him come . . .
Ask him to show you how to do it.
You can use your own hand to assist him once he is about to blow . . . this way you two can do it together, and eventually, through practice you will be able to bring him to climax with a minimal of effort.
It sounds like he is just shy . . . Enjoy the journey!!!
For now, let's cover the art of fellatio, so you can give your boyfriend some relief!
Start by undressing your man very, very slowly, and seductively. Remove his shirt, rubbing his shoulders as you pull it off. Use your hands to caress his entire body.
EXPLORE HIM.
Once his shirt is off, kiss his neck ... bite his shoulder ... and begin making your way down his mid-section, using your lips and tongue. Remember to pause and make eye contact, this will keep him engaged, and intensify his desire.
After you've worked on his upper body and stirred up some passion, start to tease his lower body. Run your hands up and down his legs, slowly working your way up to his zipper.
Teasingly stroke his clothed penis . . . Ask him what he wants you to do with it . . . Ask if he would like you to kiss it?
Start kissing his belly, teasing him, while you slowly work off his pants.
If it's worked out right, he will now be totally naked. Take in the vision of his loveliness. Express your excitement to be with him, telling him how hot he is, and pointing out things you love.
He should be pretty excited by this point, but you want to continue to make it ALL ABOUT HIM. Don't let him touch you yet. Tell him to lay back and enjoy.
You have the option of getting a little naughty at this point -- sex talk works wonders. The right words will send him over the edge quickly, so here's a little Naughty Talk 101: Start by talking about his penis -- big, hard, bulging, throbbing -- guys want to know you want their cock (A word they seem to like).
Let him know you want it.
Tell him to give it to you.
Keep stroking his body, and his member, until he is throbbing with excitement, then, take it in your mouth.
With your eyes locked on his, tease him with your tongue, working your way up and down the shaft. Guys are very visual and love to watch, so put on a show for him.
When he starts to squirm with excitement, open your mouth wide to take his entire penis into your mouth. Using your lips, your tongue, and your hand, gently work your way up and down his penis. Ask him if he likes it faster or slower . . . let him guide you to exactly HOW he likes it.
Once his penis is slickery wet you can use your hand, and tease him with just your tongue. If he responds to sex talk, keep saying naughty things to encourage his orgasm.
If you are totally tuned in with him you will find your rhythm. Watch his facial expressions, and note the sounds he makes. When he likes something, do more of it, when he gets really quiet, make an adjustment.
If you are ever unsure, ask him for direction.
If he really, really can not achieve orgasm with you, it may just be nerves. In that case, when he is really hot and ready to explode -- but unable to -- ask him to masturbate for you. Tell him you like to watch and you want to see him come . . .
Ask him to show you how to do it.
You can use your own hand to assist him once he is about to blow . . . this way you two can do it together, and eventually, through practice you will be able to bring him to climax with a minimal of effort.
It sounds like he is just shy . . . Enjoy the journey!!!
READER RESPONSE:
I feel like I’m reading a novel! That was a good read Krista-Lynn
Wow, Anais-Lynn, that was great!
Listen to your wise auntie Krista-Lynn, she gives marvellous advice!
WOW, Krista-Lynn! I got hot just reading your advice. I will have to try this out with my man this weekend. I like to think that I've got some moves, but this routine sounds like it will work wonders!
ME-OW!
It worked!!! 3 TIMES
THE ART OF FELLATIO - SCENARIO 2
QUESTION:
I have very little experience giving oral sex and I am very bad at it, because I have a horrible gag reflex! I have tried to do it a couple times and it was all teeth and gagging, please help, my boyfriend loves oral. I desperately need some tips for giving a great blow job. My man says I just need to relax and I can do it, tell me how!!!
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
You can give a phenomenal blow job, you just need to find your zone. It's important that you feel comfortable, so I suggest giving him a good cleaning before you go downtown. You can try it in the shower, or start off with a sexy rub down with a warm towel. Once he's ready, you want to take control of the situation.
You may never be the "Deep Throat Queen", but there is still hope!
Try this scenario: Get on your knees and look him deep in the eyes, while rubbing him seductively. Oral sex is incredibly intimate, so connect with him before going to town. When you have his attention, tell him that you want to take him in your mouth.
He'll be half-way to orgasm right there!
Men are very visual, so your going to put on a little show for him. Enjoy the process, don't just try to "get him off", make it into an erotic experience. He wants to see you wanting it. Desire and eye contact will throw a man over the edge.
Now, take his penis in your hand and just adore it for a moment or two. Make any remarks that are fitting; men love to hear that you love their penis. While playing with it, start telling him what you're going to do with your mouth. Be as explicit as possible.
Then, using your lips and tongue, kiss and lick along the shaft of his penis. Get it wet so it will be easier to work with. Once it's all "slickery", slowly take his penis into your mouth.
Your gag reflex is not big deal, you really don't have to take it all in your mouth, but, you do need to work the entire penis. Stimulate the head with your mouth and tongue, taking as much as you can handle, and work the shaft with your hand. Keep your hand working up and down on the shaft, moving slower or faster, according to his preference.
If you are unsure, ask him how it likes it.
You're willingness to learn is probably a great turn on for your guy. He's just happy he's getting any! Ask him to guide you through the process if you ever feel stuck.
Keep practicing and you will surely find your rhythm.
I have very little experience giving oral sex and I am very bad at it, because I have a horrible gag reflex! I have tried to do it a couple times and it was all teeth and gagging, please help, my boyfriend loves oral. I desperately need some tips for giving a great blow job. My man says I just need to relax and I can do it, tell me how!!!
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
You can give a phenomenal blow job, you just need to find your zone. It's important that you feel comfortable, so I suggest giving him a good cleaning before you go downtown. You can try it in the shower, or start off with a sexy rub down with a warm towel. Once he's ready, you want to take control of the situation.
You may never be the "Deep Throat Queen", but there is still hope!
Try this scenario: Get on your knees and look him deep in the eyes, while rubbing him seductively. Oral sex is incredibly intimate, so connect with him before going to town. When you have his attention, tell him that you want to take him in your mouth.
He'll be half-way to orgasm right there!
Men are very visual, so your going to put on a little show for him. Enjoy the process, don't just try to "get him off", make it into an erotic experience. He wants to see you wanting it. Desire and eye contact will throw a man over the edge.
Now, take his penis in your hand and just adore it for a moment or two. Make any remarks that are fitting; men love to hear that you love their penis. While playing with it, start telling him what you're going to do with your mouth. Be as explicit as possible.
Then, using your lips and tongue, kiss and lick along the shaft of his penis. Get it wet so it will be easier to work with. Once it's all "slickery", slowly take his penis into your mouth.
Your gag reflex is not big deal, you really don't have to take it all in your mouth, but, you do need to work the entire penis. Stimulate the head with your mouth and tongue, taking as much as you can handle, and work the shaft with your hand. Keep your hand working up and down on the shaft, moving slower or faster, according to his preference.
If you are unsure, ask him how it likes it.
You're willingness to learn is probably a great turn on for your guy. He's just happy he's getting any! Ask him to guide you through the process if you ever feel stuck.
Keep practicing and you will surely find your rhythm.
I DON'T WANT A 1 MINUTE MAN
QUESTION:
My boyfriend and I were having sex and he finished before I'd even gotten started, and I got really pissy with him. He tried to apologize but I just kept pouting and said some shitty things to him, and he took off. He just texted me and said he just needs some time to think, and that I really hurt him.
I am upset now and just want to make this all better. When I see him what can I do to tell him how I want it without being a bitch about it?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
First, you better apologize! You were mean, and that is never cool.
Berating a guy in the bedroom is the biggest turn off known to man. I'm not surprised he ran out. Men are super sensitive about their performance in the bedroom. Thinking you can't get a girl off is totally emasculating.
You metaphorically castrated him.
You've got to ask him to give you the O's in a nice way ... Don't just tell him he sucks in the sack and left you hanging. Let him know you love the loving, but just wanted more.
Tell him how you like to orgasm together when possible, and if that is not possible, you would like him to finish you off in another way -- not just roll over and go to sleep. If he does not know how to bring you to orgasm, teach him.
If he is really just a selfish lover who does not care about your needs, dump him!
My boyfriend and I were having sex and he finished before I'd even gotten started, and I got really pissy with him. He tried to apologize but I just kept pouting and said some shitty things to him, and he took off. He just texted me and said he just needs some time to think, and that I really hurt him.
I am upset now and just want to make this all better. When I see him what can I do to tell him how I want it without being a bitch about it?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
First, you better apologize! You were mean, and that is never cool.
Berating a guy in the bedroom is the biggest turn off known to man. I'm not surprised he ran out. Men are super sensitive about their performance in the bedroom. Thinking you can't get a girl off is totally emasculating.
You metaphorically castrated him.
You've got to ask him to give you the O's in a nice way ... Don't just tell him he sucks in the sack and left you hanging. Let him know you love the loving, but just wanted more.
Tell him how you like to orgasm together when possible, and if that is not possible, you would like him to finish you off in another way -- not just roll over and go to sleep. If he does not know how to bring you to orgasm, teach him.
If he is really just a selfish lover who does not care about your needs, dump him!
AVOIDING THE EX
QUESTION:
My best friend is having a HUGE party for her 25th birthday, and of course, I want to be there to help her celebrate. But, I just found out she invited my EX, and now I don't want to go. I don't get along with him--ok, I hate him-- and I really don't want to see him. I just keep imagining us fighting, or worse, him and my new BF fighting.
Is it ok for me to blow off her party? We've been BFF's since we're 5, at always spend our birthday together.
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
My best friend is having a HUGE party for her 25th birthday, and of course, I want to be there to help her celebrate. But, I just found out she invited my EX, and now I don't want to go. I don't get along with him--ok, I hate him-- and I really don't want to see him. I just keep imagining us fighting, or worse, him and my new BF fighting.
Is it ok for me to blow off her party? We've been BFF's since we're 5, at always spend our birthday together.
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Don't worry about what hasn't happened. If you don't create drama there is not likely to be any.
If the party is large enough you may not even run into the Ex, you can't use him as an excuse.
You must go.
If it gets weird, I would expect your BFF to understand that you're not comfortable hanging at a party with the Ex, BUT, she will expect you to be there, even for a little while.
IF, there is drama you don't have to stay long, but you do need to make an appearance; that's if you want to stay her BEST FRIEND.
Go with the intention of having fun, if you're not feeling festive, give her a gift, a hug and multiple compliments, take a few photos together, and then you can get on out of there. But not a moment before.
My bet: You'll have a great time and be one of the last to leave!
If the party is large enough you may not even run into the Ex, you can't use him as an excuse.
You must go.
If it gets weird, I would expect your BFF to understand that you're not comfortable hanging at a party with the Ex, BUT, she will expect you to be there, even for a little while.
IF, there is drama you don't have to stay long, but you do need to make an appearance; that's if you want to stay her BEST FRIEND.
Go with the intention of having fun, if you're not feeling festive, give her a gift, a hug and multiple compliments, take a few photos together, and then you can get on out of there. But not a moment before.
My bet: You'll have a great time and be one of the last to leave!
DRUNKEN SEX = BAD IDEA.
QUESTION:
Help! In a drunken haze last night I thought it would be a good idea to have sex with one of my best guy friends.
The sex was pretty awkward and it will probably never happen again. Afterward we both said we were "cool" and there is no way that either one of us is going to develop feelings.
I guess my dilemma is, is that I feel guilty and dirty. Any words of wisdom?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Help! In a drunken haze last night I thought it would be a good idea to have sex with one of my best guy friends.
The sex was pretty awkward and it will probably never happen again. Afterward we both said we were "cool" and there is no way that either one of us is going to develop feelings.
I guess my dilemma is, is that I feel guilty and dirty. Any words of wisdom?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Drunkenness and regret go hand-in-hand. If this is the worst of your drunken escapades you are lucky!
Relax and stop beating up on yourself! There's nothing dirty about it, unless of course, you had unusually dirty sex. And even then, who cares?!?
You tried it, it did not work, be done with it.
Have a good laugh with your friend and move on.
What did you learn? Hopefully, it's that excessive alcohol+friend+sex = Bad Idea.
Remember to gauge your alcohol consumption the next time you're out.
Or, you could always resort to wearing a chastity belt, if you really don't trust yourself.
Relax and stop beating up on yourself! There's nothing dirty about it, unless of course, you had unusually dirty sex. And even then, who cares?!?
You tried it, it did not work, be done with it.
Have a good laugh with your friend and move on.
What did you learn? Hopefully, it's that excessive alcohol+friend+sex = Bad Idea.
Remember to gauge your alcohol consumption the next time you're out.
Or, you could always resort to wearing a chastity belt, if you really don't trust yourself.
Thoughts are energetic, each thought creates a specific vibration and this vibration is what attracts people and situations to us.
EXAMPLES:
If you are gossipy, judgmental, mean, angry, hateful, and overall negative, you will be met with the same in kind - GUARANTEED - your thoughts will attract similar types of people to you; it is how the Law of Attraction works. Kind, compassionate, loving people will be repelled by you; they are of a high vibration, while negative thinking makes a person's vibration low, and very heavy.
If you always focus on being poor and having no money, you'll repeatedly have money problems, and you will most likely never get rich. You have to believe you can be wealthy before it can happen to you.
If you believe that every man is a cheat - every man will cheat on you. Your expectancy will create the reality.
When you go into the world with a bad attitude you will continue to meet people who piss you off; your own negativity is what attracted it to you.
If you are not totally happy with who you are, and what you're experiencing in your life, change will only come about if/when you change your thoughts. That's just the way life works . . .
The truth is, most of you have probably seen evidence in your life of this powerful law in motion, you just doubt it.
EXAMPLE: You can't stop thinking about someone that you haven't seen in ages, then suddenly, they call out of the blue, and tell you how you kept popping into their head!
Try focusing on what you desire - not what you fear - and you just might be blessedly surprised by the improvements that result. It's really worth giving it a try . . .
Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life